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**** * ****
Hussein nudged his brother Iqbal and aimed his chin toward the bar. “Look, a fat, stupid American has finally managed some success.”
Iqbal smirked, “It is the only way the infidels can succeed. They have no education and no skills to do anything useful. They don’t even worship their own God anymore, only money and fame. They will soon learn better…”
The brothers were out enjoying a night of revelry, with a few more planned when they reached the city. The celebrations were a last reward before they fulfilled their mission and achieved True Paradise through martyrdom. Hussein was superstitious and hoped to find success at gambling before they took the great risk that if successful, would help to sustain their cause. They’d grown up in this land of debauchery and foolishness but had been taught from the first to honor their own Beliefs and culture above anything the Americans professed.
Hussein was on roll number five of what he intended to be a short run. He wished to win five times for the Five Pillars of Islam, the name of his cell in the latest great Jihad. He blew on the dice and tossed. The small cubes bounced against the back side of the pit and tumbled end over end as he watched breathlessly. “Another ten!” the barker called. And pushed the winnings toward Hussein. He placed a minimum bet and rolled once more. He had already left the table before the barker called, “Snakeyes! Next roller please.”
He held up his chips triumphantly, “Iqbal, more money from roll number five! I kept the bet in place for five rolls, I left only the minimum for the last roll, it is a Sign! We are fated to succeed. We will meet the others tomorrow, go over the plan, and then have a few last nights to revel in this world…”
Iqbal patted his brother on the shoulder, “There is something I would like more than winning chips. He nodded toward the bar and the attractive and sinuous young local who worked behind it, steadily polishing glasses.
Hussein watched for a moment, unsure whether his brother meant the alcoholic drinks that had been forbidden until now or the woman. Knowing Iqbal, he assumed both. “As you wish brother. Take your mortal enjoyments while you can. She looks a little sullen though, frown, lowered brows, I like the happy ones.”
Iqbal’s serpent-like smile widened, “She will look better when I have freed her from the miseries of the uncircumcised. She will enjoy a real man. Who knows? Maybe I will convert her so that we can meet again in Paradise.” With that, he surged away from his brother and slithered up to the bar opposite the young First Nations maid. “Good evening, I noticed that you do not have many customers at the bar. It seems odd that so beautiful a creature as yourself would not attract more company.”
The woman ignored him, intently focused on her task. He tried again, “Perhaps I must order a drink to remain at the bar? If so, a gin and tonic if you please.”
She continued to polish the glass. He leaned forward, “Did you hear me?” he inquired in an annoyed tone. “Perhaps you have no business because you are surly and unhelpful.”
She looked at him and delivered a smirk that appeared to be far more evil than anything he could ever hope to muster, despite his thin, reptilian lips and predatory mind, “We don’t want customers to linger at the bar, getting drunk and building from misery to anger over their losses. We want them playing… and losing.” She leaned toward him and glared into his own eyes that he normally considered flinty and daunting. “You know about losing, don’t you?”
Hussein noted that the large man at the end of the bar in the “Security” shirt had begun stumping toward them. “Iqbal, perhaps it is time to go look for other entertainment.”
Iqbal ignored him, he was trapped in the serpent’s gaze, like a mouse dropped into a snake’s tank to be devoured while its owner watched with perverse interest. Hussein reached for his brother to tug at his arm but never got the chance. The big security officer seized his hand, drew it to his too wide chest and turned. The weight of the man drew him away from his brother and caused him to spin around so that he ended up facing the goon with his brother beyond the man and in the clutches of the Serpent Woman. The ham-fisted gargantuan continued to twist the hand he gripped until the pressure caused Hussein sever pain. He grunted and bent into the angle of his wrist to relieve the distress. He found himself bent forward and looking up desperately toward the man’s face.
The security staffer smiled, his square, blunt teeth showing dark behind an almost lipless mouth. His wide back and chest, covered in body armor under his shirt made him appear like a monster-sized… Turtle. Hussein felt himself lifted and placed behind the bar. His brother soon slithered over the top and fell to the floor beside him, smiling beatifically. Hussein opened his mouth to scream for help, but a large, blunt fist crashed into the side of his head and he saw stars… seven of them, like the Holy... The fist descended once more, and he saw only darkness.
**** * ****
Fr. Danilo Bayani was immensely enjoying his latest trip to the continental USA. He had visited Hawaii many years ago, and New York City more recently, but this was his first tour of the grand landbound spaces that this country offered. He’d managed to roam so far from his origins in Manila. Now, in his twilight years, he longed to see what he could of God’s Green Earth. All on the payroll of The Vatican while they cleanse the records of those hateful… allegations. The bitter thoughts raced across his mind. Of course he was a sinner, he was only mortal. He’d been expiated of those sins and had paid an enormous price to continue serving in his capacity as a parish priest. He forced his mind to return to the moment and more enjoyable pursuits.
He noted the hirsute and similar appearing pair of men who had gone to the bar and wondered why the Security officer approached them, but his attention was called once more to the round of Texas Hold’em and his table mates. When he again had a moment to look, no one was at the bar, in front or behind… curious, he thought, but he quickly refocused his attention on the fascinating new game he was in the process of learning. He was familiar with Poker, so it wasn’t difficult to learn. He liked the high level of interaction that this version of the old game allowed. He’d done well, certainly gained enough to fund extracurricular activities during the rest of his current sabbatical.
He’d been disturbed by the overall atmosphere of this place when he’d arrived. He did not care for the numerous paintings and sculptures of Ancient Native Deities and Spirits. They seemed to be mostly images of the Dark Beings of various Tribal cultures. He loved to study diverse cultures, but this place was an amalgamation of cultures, built for mutual support by several Tribes in the region. Much of the artwork was schlocky and clearly intended to cater to the garish and sordid tastes of the vapid gambling set. Some part of him did not feel… welcome, as though he had intruded on some private Place, set aside for Other Gods.
He shook off the depressing musings… There are NO Other Gods, he reassured himself. He soon stepped away from the table to take care of personal needs and to decide what he should do with the rest of his night. Perhaps he would visit the White Dove Restaurant & Ballroom on the other side of the hotel lobby from the casino. It boasted a good reputation according to online reviews, even though it was a simple buffet style with a dance floor to one side. He liked the name, it was… peaceful he decided.
He soon had a selection of food piled onto a plate and was seated near the dance floor. The place was sparsely occupied, so his hopes of being able to watch dancers as he ate were dashed. Still, the food was good enough. A little bland, but that was necessary in a place that acted as a crossroads of cultures. There was a spice table at the end of the primary row of entrees. He’d helped himself, yet nothing seemed to attach to his taste buds. The combination of eating nearly alone, having no one with energy around him, and the tasteless food soon had him growing restless. He finished up his repast and left the table to go out to the final section of the complex he had not visited, the River Overlook.
As he passed the table nearest the entrance, he saw a stout man in a rumpled sport coat, who glared daggers at him, eyes focused on his crucifix, the only outward sign of his profession. The man appeared to be so hostile, that he paused for a moment to determine whether he’d done anything to offend the fellow. “Excuse me sir, have I offended you in some way?”
The man looked startled. He was apparently unused to being confronted about his demeanor or behavior. He scowled, “Don’t like that thing you have around your neck. You Catholics are all Hell-bound. No concept of righteousness. Not that you’d understand, you people don’t even read The Book. You listen to your priests and pope and disregard The Word. All the kneeling and ritual prayers in the world won’t save you in the end. Go back to your idols and beads and leave me alone to seek Heaven.”
Fr. Bayani was startled by the vehemence with which the man spoke. He hadn’t been attacked directly for his Faith in years. “Sir, I’m not sure what Religion you practice, but I am a man of God, a consecrated priest of the Holy Church. I assure you that I understand more than most, if not as much as I would like. I meant no harm and wish you a peaceful night.”
With that, he started to walk past the man, but the man rose from his table and pointed his finger, “Your pope is the Anti-Christ, and your Church is a place of Satan! Look to the Bible for your salvation before it’s too late.”
Fr. Bayani increased his pace and continued on his journey to the River Overlook. He would need the peace and tranquility that nature and the sound of flowing water would provide to settle his roiling mind.
**** * ****
Pastor Bill resumed his seat and shook his head, “Fool, doesn’t know that he’s risking his soul, courting Damnation.” He’d had a bad run at the tables over at the casino. His Denomination frowned on games of chance, but he had needed the money. One of his congregation had come up pregnant and they had to get it resolved before the three-month deadline for abortions. He knew that if his wife found out about Carmen, then she would divorce him. He was here to break every major rule that he professed to hold dear each week. His plan for quick money had failed, so he’d visited the bar. Now he hoped that eating would guide him back to sobriety. He had to think of another plan.
Seeing that… priest had annoyed him. Had he not been inebriated, he would never have said what he did, nor stared so rudely in the first place. Yet he wanted someone on whom to vent the anger he felt, that arose from fear and he’d always disliked the papists. If his wife divorced him, if the scandal involving the woman who cleaned the church all week and then occupied the back pew every Sunday ever broke; he would lose his ministry, his livelihood. His degree in Theology would be worthless. He might be able to get a job teaching, at some secular school, but most would not hire fervent Christians like himself.
He stared dejectedly at his plate of food that had contained more spice and flavors than he liked, a shadow passed in his periphery. It was low-slung and blurred just a bit as it loped along the wall. He thought he heard an odd laugh, somewhere between human and… canine? Maybe a little like a hyena might sound, or so he imagined. There was a manic quality to the laughter. A jest that was on him so that only the other Entity knew what it was. It was the wicked laughter of children at play, who’d decided to target a fat kid with glasses. A kid whose parents had been abusive addicts but who later “got right” through religious-based recovery programs. Their faith had led him to his own, but he’d never really lost those early traumas of being unaccepted by his peers and being beaten by people who later professed faith above all.
A mocking whine, definitely doggish, his now sobering consciousness informed him. Something was making fun of him, teasing him from the shadows. He looked around for staff members or other customers but found himself alone. The dining area and the dance floor were deserted. It was odd, there was almost always someone at the buffet service tables. He looked over to the kitchen doors in hopes that one of the employees would burst through with a fresh serving of chicken wings or whatever tray had been emptied. He saw dark figures move past the clouded round windows on the swinging doors and temporarily occlude the bright kitchen lights within, but they were indistinct blobs, and appeared to be focused on tasks of their own choosing rather than service of his needs.
He stood and realized that he was more intoxicated than he’d realized. He immediately resumed his seat and bent forward to regain his balance and bearings… and to swallow his rising gorge. When he sat up again, a dark, shaggy form perched in the chair across from him. The figure was no more than a silhouette, a raggedly hewn shadow. Yet there were eyes. Sinister golden gleams appeared and blinked at him. He heard a heavy, panting sort of breathing and a gust of foul-smelling carnivore breath assaulted his olfactory senses. “Who? Er, what are you doing at my table?” he asked in a mushy, confused manner. Still fighting off waves of nausea.
He could not see it very well in the poorly illuminated dining room, but his impression was that the... Being… smiled at him: a gaping, lolling smile, with a tongue dangling out to one side and sharp canines gleaming. “I thought I would check on you my righteous friend. You seem to be upset, unhappy. You nipped and barked at that other person who shares your Faith. I thought perhaps there was a deeper concern preying on your conscience?”
Pastor Bill had to force himself to think through what this… person? Had said to him. Likely some hippie-dippy weirdo. “That guy was a Catholic priest, we’re nowhere near the same Religion.”
Once more he heard the chortling laughter that was now very clear, “I’m sure you think it’s different. Those of his specific religion, came to these lands many years ago. They were the first of you Christians to arrive. The rest have been simple variations on a theme. The problems began, when your co-religionists assumed that only your God exists; that all of the local Gods and Spirits were instead Demons and Dark Powers. Instead of trying to show that yours is a better Way, you Christians insisted that yours is the only Way. You’ve forgotten that in Ancient Times, people held True to Deities who were attached to local communities or to the land and features around them; geographically and ethnically relevant. You have gone from subsuming and incorporating Older Gods as Angels and Saints, to Demonizing Them, and now in your hubris, to denying Them altogether.” He shook His head. “Too bad really, it creates an Adversarial relationship.” He chuckled at some joke that Pastor Bill was still too drunk to comprehend.
Pastor Bill had grown increasingly fearful as the Voice intoned Its Philosophies. He wanted to refute that Voice, to deny Its very Existence. Yet he feared Its Wrath more than anything he’d ever feared, even the Fires of Hell. Instead of making a stand and arguing his faith, he staggered to his feet and ran, stumbled, blindly toward the kitchen and the pale, ghostly figures within. Surely someone within would save him! The sardonic laughter chortled after him and chased him into the too bright lights, descending into the yips and howls of Coyote even as the doors swung shut behind him. He looked around at the glowing white figures who halted in their various progresses to stare at him. Their eyes! There were none, just empty sockets, faces slack, with gaping, lamprey maws. He heard a new sound as they swarmed him… his own forlorn screams of ultimate agony.
**** * ****
Fr. Bayani stood out on the River Overlook platform and enjoyed the solitude that had so recently left him restless. There were plenty of noises out across the flowing torrent: the water itself, as it passed over hidden objects, fish as they leapt from its embrace to kiss the night air, frogs and insects, and the warbling, mournful sounds of a loon, and the soft sigh of the wind as it passed through the verdant landscape. This is much more peaceful than the White Dove he thought. He had some trouble shaking off ruminations on the verbal assault from the strange, possibly drunken man in the restaurant. He decided that he would pray for the man, that he would one day soon find The True Faith. Sometimes that was all one could do for the short-sighted.
He heard a deep, coughing hiss out in the dark. He was startled but quickly realized that it was an American Alligator, cousin to creatures he had observed in many places around the planet. He was truly content, at one with Nature in all Her Glory… in all the natural splendor of Creation! he immediately corrected himself. A sound impinged on his senses as it slowly rose and obscured the others… it was a lapping sound at first, more like ocean waves on a beach than the banks of a river. Waves, at cross purposes to the flow of the river, slapped at the base of the platform. Soon they sounds evolved into splashes, as if something very large approached the River Overlook platform. He leaned over the rail to have a closer look. Perhaps it was a large water creature or a boat… maybe a ‘gator as the locals called the big reptiles.
He peered down at the dim rippling surface below. At first, he was unable to discern anything but small reflections on the water as it swirled and lapped; then from below the surface, he spotted an eye, a too large eye! It glowed from within with a sickly luminescence akin to that produced by deep growing fungi. As he stared in horror, he saw a mouth gape below the eye, and enormous frog-like opening with no teeth but serrated lips, like some monstrous catfish. As he stared, too much in shock to act, he suddenly felt his body wrapped in strong, leprous flesh and he quickly lost his ability to breathe. The last sight he saw before he plunged over the safety rail was the thin, grey, first light of dawn.
**** * ****
Chief Harry Whitehorse gazed around at his fellow chiefs and Shamans from various local Tribes, “So, are The Dark Ones satisfied once again? Have They sated their appetites on strangers so that our peoples will be safe for another year?”
Affirmative rumbles muttered around the conference room. Red Wolf, a Shaman, spoke from near the back row, “They are not only satisfied but Coyote assures us that the prey people will not be linked with our premises or business operations.”
Most of the fresh mutters sounded pleased, but old Harry had to ask, “Can we trust Him?”
Chortling laughter sounded throughout the conference room and ascended into thunderous yips and howls of hysterical glee.

**** * ****
Hussein nudged his brother Iqbal and aimed his chin toward the bar. “Look, a fat, stupid American has finally managed some success.”
Iqbal smirked, “It is the only way the infidels can succeed. They have no education and no skills to do anything useful. They don’t even worship their own God anymore, only money and fame. They will soon learn better…”
The brothers were out enjoying a night of revelry, with a few more planned when they reached the city. The celebrations were a last reward before they fulfilled their mission and achieved True Paradise through martyrdom. Hussein was superstitious and hoped to find success at gambling before they took the great risk that if successful, would help to sustain their cause. They’d grown up in this land of debauchery and foolishness but had been taught from the first to honor their own Beliefs and culture above anything the Americans professed.
Hussein was on roll number five of what he intended to be a short run. He wished to win five times for the Five Pillars of Islam, the name of his cell in the latest great Jihad. He blew on the dice and tossed. The small cubes bounced against the back side of the pit and tumbled end over end as he watched breathlessly. “Another ten!” the barker called. And pushed the winnings toward Hussein. He placed a minimum bet and rolled once more. He had already left the table before the barker called, “Snakeyes! Next roller please.”
He held up his chips triumphantly, “Iqbal, more money from roll number five! I kept the bet in place for five rolls, I left only the minimum for the last roll, it is a Sign! We are fated to succeed. We will meet the others tomorrow, go over the plan, and then have a few last nights to revel in this world…”
Iqbal patted his brother on the shoulder, “There is something I would like more than winning chips. He nodded toward the bar and the attractive and sinuous young local who worked behind it, steadily polishing glasses.
Hussein watched for a moment, unsure whether his brother meant the alcoholic drinks that had been forbidden until now or the woman. Knowing Iqbal, he assumed both. “As you wish brother. Take your mortal enjoyments while you can. She looks a little sullen though, frown, lowered brows, I like the happy ones.”
Iqbal’s serpent-like smile widened, “She will look better when I have freed her from the miseries of the uncircumcised. She will enjoy a real man. Who knows? Maybe I will convert her so that we can meet again in Paradise.” With that, he surged away from his brother and slithered up to the bar opposite the young First Nations maid. “Good evening, I noticed that you do not have many customers at the bar. It seems odd that so beautiful a creature as yourself would not attract more company.”
The woman ignored him, intently focused on her task. He tried again, “Perhaps I must order a drink to remain at the bar? If so, a gin and tonic if you please.”
She continued to polish the glass. He leaned forward, “Did you hear me?” he inquired in an annoyed tone. “Perhaps you have no business because you are surly and unhelpful.”
She looked at him and delivered a smirk that appeared to be far more evil than anything he could ever hope to muster, despite his thin, reptilian lips and predatory mind, “We don’t want customers to linger at the bar, getting drunk and building from misery to anger over their losses. We want them playing… and losing.” She leaned toward him and glared into his own eyes that he normally considered flinty and daunting. “You know about losing, don’t you?”
Hussein noted that the large man at the end of the bar in the “Security” shirt had begun stumping toward them. “Iqbal, perhaps it is time to go look for other entertainment.”
Iqbal ignored him, he was trapped in the serpent’s gaze, like a mouse dropped into a snake’s tank to be devoured while its owner watched with perverse interest. Hussein reached for his brother to tug at his arm but never got the chance. The big security officer seized his hand, drew it to his too wide chest and turned. The weight of the man drew him away from his brother and caused him to spin around so that he ended up facing the goon with his brother beyond the man and in the clutches of the Serpent Woman. The ham-fisted gargantuan continued to twist the hand he gripped until the pressure caused Hussein sever pain. He grunted and bent into the angle of his wrist to relieve the distress. He found himself bent forward and looking up desperately toward the man’s face.
The security staffer smiled, his square, blunt teeth showing dark behind an almost lipless mouth. His wide back and chest, covered in body armor under his shirt made him appear like a monster-sized… Turtle. Hussein felt himself lifted and placed behind the bar. His brother soon slithered over the top and fell to the floor beside him, smiling beatifically. Hussein opened his mouth to scream for help, but a large, blunt fist crashed into the side of his head and he saw stars… seven of them, like the Holy... The fist descended once more, and he saw only darkness.
**** * ****
Fr. Danilo Bayani was immensely enjoying his latest trip to the continental USA. He had visited Hawaii many years ago, and New York City more recently, but this was his first tour of the grand landbound spaces that this country offered. He’d managed to roam so far from his origins in Manila. Now, in his twilight years, he longed to see what he could of God’s Green Earth. All on the payroll of The Vatican while they cleanse the records of those hateful… allegations. The bitter thoughts raced across his mind. Of course he was a sinner, he was only mortal. He’d been expiated of those sins and had paid an enormous price to continue serving in his capacity as a parish priest. He forced his mind to return to the moment and more enjoyable pursuits.
He noted the hirsute and similar appearing pair of men who had gone to the bar and wondered why the Security officer approached them, but his attention was called once more to the round of Texas Hold’em and his table mates. When he again had a moment to look, no one was at the bar, in front or behind… curious, he thought, but he quickly refocused his attention on the fascinating new game he was in the process of learning. He was familiar with Poker, so it wasn’t difficult to learn. He liked the high level of interaction that this version of the old game allowed. He’d done well, certainly gained enough to fund extracurricular activities during the rest of his current sabbatical.
He’d been disturbed by the overall atmosphere of this place when he’d arrived. He did not care for the numerous paintings and sculptures of Ancient Native Deities and Spirits. They seemed to be mostly images of the Dark Beings of various Tribal cultures. He loved to study diverse cultures, but this place was an amalgamation of cultures, built for mutual support by several Tribes in the region. Much of the artwork was schlocky and clearly intended to cater to the garish and sordid tastes of the vapid gambling set. Some part of him did not feel… welcome, as though he had intruded on some private Place, set aside for Other Gods.
He shook off the depressing musings… There are NO Other Gods, he reassured himself. He soon stepped away from the table to take care of personal needs and to decide what he should do with the rest of his night. Perhaps he would visit the White Dove Restaurant & Ballroom on the other side of the hotel lobby from the casino. It boasted a good reputation according to online reviews, even though it was a simple buffet style with a dance floor to one side. He liked the name, it was… peaceful he decided.
He soon had a selection of food piled onto a plate and was seated near the dance floor. The place was sparsely occupied, so his hopes of being able to watch dancers as he ate were dashed. Still, the food was good enough. A little bland, but that was necessary in a place that acted as a crossroads of cultures. There was a spice table at the end of the primary row of entrees. He’d helped himself, yet nothing seemed to attach to his taste buds. The combination of eating nearly alone, having no one with energy around him, and the tasteless food soon had him growing restless. He finished up his repast and left the table to go out to the final section of the complex he had not visited, the River Overlook.
As he passed the table nearest the entrance, he saw a stout man in a rumpled sport coat, who glared daggers at him, eyes focused on his crucifix, the only outward sign of his profession. The man appeared to be so hostile, that he paused for a moment to determine whether he’d done anything to offend the fellow. “Excuse me sir, have I offended you in some way?”
The man looked startled. He was apparently unused to being confronted about his demeanor or behavior. He scowled, “Don’t like that thing you have around your neck. You Catholics are all Hell-bound. No concept of righteousness. Not that you’d understand, you people don’t even read The Book. You listen to your priests and pope and disregard The Word. All the kneeling and ritual prayers in the world won’t save you in the end. Go back to your idols and beads and leave me alone to seek Heaven.”
Fr. Bayani was startled by the vehemence with which the man spoke. He hadn’t been attacked directly for his Faith in years. “Sir, I’m not sure what Religion you practice, but I am a man of God, a consecrated priest of the Holy Church. I assure you that I understand more than most, if not as much as I would like. I meant no harm and wish you a peaceful night.”
With that, he started to walk past the man, but the man rose from his table and pointed his finger, “Your pope is the Anti-Christ, and your Church is a place of Satan! Look to the Bible for your salvation before it’s too late.”
Fr. Bayani increased his pace and continued on his journey to the River Overlook. He would need the peace and tranquility that nature and the sound of flowing water would provide to settle his roiling mind.
**** * ****
Pastor Bill resumed his seat and shook his head, “Fool, doesn’t know that he’s risking his soul, courting Damnation.” He’d had a bad run at the tables over at the casino. His Denomination frowned on games of chance, but he had needed the money. One of his congregation had come up pregnant and they had to get it resolved before the three-month deadline for abortions. He knew that if his wife found out about Carmen, then she would divorce him. He was here to break every major rule that he professed to hold dear each week. His plan for quick money had failed, so he’d visited the bar. Now he hoped that eating would guide him back to sobriety. He had to think of another plan.
Seeing that… priest had annoyed him. Had he not been inebriated, he would never have said what he did, nor stared so rudely in the first place. Yet he wanted someone on whom to vent the anger he felt, that arose from fear and he’d always disliked the papists. If his wife divorced him, if the scandal involving the woman who cleaned the church all week and then occupied the back pew every Sunday ever broke; he would lose his ministry, his livelihood. His degree in Theology would be worthless. He might be able to get a job teaching, at some secular school, but most would not hire fervent Christians like himself.
He stared dejectedly at his plate of food that had contained more spice and flavors than he liked, a shadow passed in his periphery. It was low-slung and blurred just a bit as it loped along the wall. He thought he heard an odd laugh, somewhere between human and… canine? Maybe a little like a hyena might sound, or so he imagined. There was a manic quality to the laughter. A jest that was on him so that only the other Entity knew what it was. It was the wicked laughter of children at play, who’d decided to target a fat kid with glasses. A kid whose parents had been abusive addicts but who later “got right” through religious-based recovery programs. Their faith had led him to his own, but he’d never really lost those early traumas of being unaccepted by his peers and being beaten by people who later professed faith above all.
A mocking whine, definitely doggish, his now sobering consciousness informed him. Something was making fun of him, teasing him from the shadows. He looked around for staff members or other customers but found himself alone. The dining area and the dance floor were deserted. It was odd, there was almost always someone at the buffet service tables. He looked over to the kitchen doors in hopes that one of the employees would burst through with a fresh serving of chicken wings or whatever tray had been emptied. He saw dark figures move past the clouded round windows on the swinging doors and temporarily occlude the bright kitchen lights within, but they were indistinct blobs, and appeared to be focused on tasks of their own choosing rather than service of his needs.
He stood and realized that he was more intoxicated than he’d realized. He immediately resumed his seat and bent forward to regain his balance and bearings… and to swallow his rising gorge. When he sat up again, a dark, shaggy form perched in the chair across from him. The figure was no more than a silhouette, a raggedly hewn shadow. Yet there were eyes. Sinister golden gleams appeared and blinked at him. He heard a heavy, panting sort of breathing and a gust of foul-smelling carnivore breath assaulted his olfactory senses. “Who? Er, what are you doing at my table?” he asked in a mushy, confused manner. Still fighting off waves of nausea.
He could not see it very well in the poorly illuminated dining room, but his impression was that the... Being… smiled at him: a gaping, lolling smile, with a tongue dangling out to one side and sharp canines gleaming. “I thought I would check on you my righteous friend. You seem to be upset, unhappy. You nipped and barked at that other person who shares your Faith. I thought perhaps there was a deeper concern preying on your conscience?”
Pastor Bill had to force himself to think through what this… person? Had said to him. Likely some hippie-dippy weirdo. “That guy was a Catholic priest, we’re nowhere near the same Religion.”
Once more he heard the chortling laughter that was now very clear, “I’m sure you think it’s different. Those of his specific religion, came to these lands many years ago. They were the first of you Christians to arrive. The rest have been simple variations on a theme. The problems began, when your co-religionists assumed that only your God exists; that all of the local Gods and Spirits were instead Demons and Dark Powers. Instead of trying to show that yours is a better Way, you Christians insisted that yours is the only Way. You’ve forgotten that in Ancient Times, people held True to Deities who were attached to local communities or to the land and features around them; geographically and ethnically relevant. You have gone from subsuming and incorporating Older Gods as Angels and Saints, to Demonizing Them, and now in your hubris, to denying Them altogether.” He shook His head. “Too bad really, it creates an Adversarial relationship.” He chuckled at some joke that Pastor Bill was still too drunk to comprehend.
Pastor Bill had grown increasingly fearful as the Voice intoned Its Philosophies. He wanted to refute that Voice, to deny Its very Existence. Yet he feared Its Wrath more than anything he’d ever feared, even the Fires of Hell. Instead of making a stand and arguing his faith, he staggered to his feet and ran, stumbled, blindly toward the kitchen and the pale, ghostly figures within. Surely someone within would save him! The sardonic laughter chortled after him and chased him into the too bright lights, descending into the yips and howls of Coyote even as the doors swung shut behind him. He looked around at the glowing white figures who halted in their various progresses to stare at him. Their eyes! There were none, just empty sockets, faces slack, with gaping, lamprey maws. He heard a new sound as they swarmed him… his own forlorn screams of ultimate agony.
**** * ****
Fr. Bayani stood out on the River Overlook platform and enjoyed the solitude that had so recently left him restless. There were plenty of noises out across the flowing torrent: the water itself, as it passed over hidden objects, fish as they leapt from its embrace to kiss the night air, frogs and insects, and the warbling, mournful sounds of a loon, and the soft sigh of the wind as it passed through the verdant landscape. This is much more peaceful than the White Dove he thought. He had some trouble shaking off ruminations on the verbal assault from the strange, possibly drunken man in the restaurant. He decided that he would pray for the man, that he would one day soon find The True Faith. Sometimes that was all one could do for the short-sighted.
He heard a deep, coughing hiss out in the dark. He was startled but quickly realized that it was an American Alligator, cousin to creatures he had observed in many places around the planet. He was truly content, at one with Nature in all Her Glory… in all the natural splendor of Creation! he immediately corrected himself. A sound impinged on his senses as it slowly rose and obscured the others… it was a lapping sound at first, more like ocean waves on a beach than the banks of a river. Waves, at cross purposes to the flow of the river, slapped at the base of the platform. Soon they sounds evolved into splashes, as if something very large approached the River Overlook platform. He leaned over the rail to have a closer look. Perhaps it was a large water creature or a boat… maybe a ‘gator as the locals called the big reptiles.
He peered down at the dim rippling surface below. At first, he was unable to discern anything but small reflections on the water as it swirled and lapped; then from below the surface, he spotted an eye, a too large eye! It glowed from within with a sickly luminescence akin to that produced by deep growing fungi. As he stared in horror, he saw a mouth gape below the eye, and enormous frog-like opening with no teeth but serrated lips, like some monstrous catfish. As he stared, too much in shock to act, he suddenly felt his body wrapped in strong, leprous flesh and he quickly lost his ability to breathe. The last sight he saw before he plunged over the safety rail was the thin, grey, first light of dawn.
**** * ****
Chief Harry Whitehorse gazed around at his fellow chiefs and Shamans from various local Tribes, “So, are The Dark Ones satisfied once again? Have They sated their appetites on strangers so that our peoples will be safe for another year?”
Affirmative rumbles muttered around the conference room. Red Wolf, a Shaman, spoke from near the back row, “They are not only satisfied but Coyote assures us that the prey people will not be linked with our premises or business operations.”
Most of the fresh mutters sounded pleased, but old Harry had to ask, “Can we trust Him?”
Chortling laughter sounded throughout the conference room and ascended into thunderous yips and howls of hysterical glee.

Standard Disclaimer: I do not take credit for the setting, this story is set in the They Are Smol universe, written by our very own u/tinyprancinghorse.
TPH has a Website, a Patreon, and also a Discord if you need more smol shenanigans.
The first Smol Detective story can be read starting Here.
The second Smol Detective story can be read starting Here.
There will be some spoilers/references to prior SD stories in this one, so consider yourself duly warned.
Additional Author's Note: I had a bout of the dreaded Writer's Block, hence the delay in getting this out to you fine folks. But in my defense I now have everything planned out, so you should get the rest of this much faster.
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First Chapter
Previous Chapter
Next Chapter
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In the previous chapter:
Rory did a Throw.
Hnrahnan did a Concern.
Nefarious Plans were Started.
In this chapter:
Valentin tries to have a Smoke.
Stakes get Raised.
Zara and Rory play a Game.
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Valentin strolled around an outside corner of the team's warehouse in a Very Casual manner. It was not a manner that indicated that someone was about to indulge in any sort of Filthy Vice, no sir. Valentin moved like he had not a care in the world...until he was carefully out of sight.
He leaned against the warehouse corner and grumbled, then darted his head to look in both directions. A light dusting of snow stretched over black pavement as far as he could see, and the bitter winter wind stung his cheeks. He didn't notice the latter, because the coast was clear. Besides, their 'guest' was not supposed to be outside anyway. It should be safe as he only needed a couple of minutes to indulge. With a relieved sigh Valentin reached into his right lapel pocket and pulled out a single cigarette. His left lapel pocket gave up the lighter therein, and with something approaching religious ecstasy he flicked the lighter on and brought it up to the cigarette now held in his mouth...
Valentin started in surprise as his cigarette all but vaporized, torn from his mouth and shredded by invisible claws. "[I told you how bad that is for you,]" whispered a chirping voice from nowhere.
"Oh, come on!" Valentin hung his head. "Please, just need one. You promised you wouldn't step outside."
"[True, but then again I'm a professional liar. Don't worry, nobody can see me.]"
"Not unless they have infrared sensors." Valentin looked around in a panic as his nicotine cravings faded in the face of a much more severe concern. If The Powers That Be caught wind of a Karnakian actually on Earth...well, jail would be the least of his worries. "Get inside!"
"[I'll make a deal with you,]" replied the invisible Karnakian.
Valentin clenched his teeth. "If it means you stop trying to get yourself and me in all the trouble, then yes!"
"[I'll go back inside and stay there if you promise not to smoke until the job's over. Then you can go back to abusing your lungs.]"
"Why do you care?" he whispered furiously.
"[Because you are little and need protecting. Not to mention the smell of [tobacco] smoke makes me heave.]"
Valentin hung his head in defeat. "Fine, we have deal. Now get your tail inside!"
There was no verbal response. Instead, he felt the caress of gentle but very sharp claws on his scalp before his invisible companion vanished.
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“With respect, Daniel - and to you, sir - you don’t understand what we have here!” Chaudhari’s olive-skinned face split in a huge smile, and her hands spread out in front of her in a pleading manner to both men. The gesture made her look like a used-car salesman trying to close a deal with a pair of finicky customers.
Daniel gave a shrug of his stooped shoulders and looked towards his boss. Martin didn’t look back. Instead he rubbed his temple and regarded once more the Egg in its cradle. He was beginning to hate the sight of it, what with all the trouble trailing in its wake. “I know exactly what we have,” he snapped at her. “The data’s why I had the damn thing stolen in the first place.”
The Indian scientist shook her head, causing her perfectly coiffed ponytail to sway gently. Her pleading gesture shifted towards the Egg. “I’m not talking about the data on it, I mean the Egg itself! This is a piece of alien nanotech with none of the restrictions of any normal fabber. It’s designed to operate with no infrastructure! Of course, it only does the one thing, buuuut...”
She trailed off hopefully. Martin set his jaw as his frustration reached maximum pressure, but just as he was about to go full Vesuvius on her the penny dropped. As he realized her implication, his eyes widened and he let out a rare curse.
“Holy...fuuuck. You think we could reverse-engineer the nanotech itself?” Martin eyed the Egg again, this time with trepidation. For one moment he wondered if at last he'd bitten off more than he could chew. If the Senate ever realized the full implications of what she’d said, the xenos just might stage another invasion of Earth.
Daniel blew out a breath and gave voice to Martin’s trepidation. “I’m not sure we want to go down that road. Unrestricted nanotech is something that the xenos don’t allow even amongst themselves. We're talking a gray goo scenario here.”
Martin thought through the possibilities. “True, but those restrictions apply only to the xeno's citizenry. Certainly their governments have such capabilities, and they haven't become gray goo yet. Let’s at least think through our options. What would it take for a successful effort?”
Chaudhari stared off over Daniel’s head. “We’ll need as much analyzing hardware as possible while the Egg does its thing. Full EM spectrum at a minimum, plus microscopic samples of it during the various stages of ‘growth’.”
“We’ll want X-ray images at key points,” added Daniel. His face was now as thoughtful as Chaudhari’s. “It’ll be vital to figuring out how the nanotech moves the, well, ‘nutrients’ around while inside itself while the structure grows.”
Martin gave the Egg one final look as if daring the thing to raise any objection. “Get an equipment list together. Whatever you need, I'll get.”
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Christian bundled his dark blue uniform and ID badge into a small duffel, whistling tunelessly through his teeth while he did so.
"Well somebody's in a good mood," said a nearby coworker. The man was in the middle of stripping off his own uniform.
"Got a date tonight," replied Christian. "New gal in town. Her name's Zoey, she's one helluva looker." He shut his locker with a smirk and wondered just how grateful Zoey might be if the game went really well for her. Maybe they should set up some ways to signal to each other, just to tilt the odds in their mutual favor. Then she'd be very grateful indeed; maybe he could even get some hot and sweaty good times out of the deal.
Christian slung his duffel over one shoulder and headed for the exit. On second thought, he decided not to even think about cheating if Zoey was involved. He had no inkling of her competence, and didn't want to find out midway through the game that she sucked at signaling. The guy in charge of the game was maybe-kinda-sorta involved in organized crime. Of course, that hadn't stopped Christian from cheating a few times but he knew when not to press his luck.
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The two of them looked around the dingy back room. Christian tried to look calm and composed, as if it was perfectly natural for him to be standing next to a stone-cold stunner of a woman. Before them sat a green-felted round table ringed with well-worn leather chairs.
"This is it?" asked the aforementioned stunner. She'd hung her parka near the door and now wore a slinky blue dress that complimented her azure eyes.
"This it is," said a voice from behind them. A man that Christian knew only as 'Max' strolled through the sole door into the space. Max was a lanky fellow with a truly impressive scar that meandered up one of his cheeks. He liked to spin stories of how he'd received it, and no two were the same. Christian suspected that it was probably due to something mundane like falling off a ladder. The man fixed Christian with pale, predatory eyes. "Who's the newcomer, Chris?"
"This is Zoey, she's looking for a good game. I told her yours was the best."
"Thanks, I think." Max sketched a slight bow in Zoey's direction. "At least you're prettier than your companion. We do a standard five-card draw, minimum buy-in is one thousand."
Christian didn't miss the slight flicker of dread that crossed Zoey's face. Her voice, however, showed no sign of fear. "I can handle that," she declared.
Max smiled, but it was not a friendly smile. "I guess it's a night for new faces. Nalin found one of his own, they should be here shortly."
Within the next half hour, the rest of the players arrived. Christian gave cordial nods to the familiar faces; they were more than ‘acquaintances’ but definitely not at the level of ‘friends’...with one exception, a cheerful and round-faced guy named Akihito. He'd hit it off with Christian from the start, and he took a moment to give Christian a smile and a handshake.
Christian also took a moment to size up the other 'new face'. The guy was a shorter, more bear-like man named Rick who wore a neatly trimmed beard and a permanent hangdog expression.
The group paid up with Chris and seated themselves around the table. Christian set his duffel under his chair and hoped that Zoey would sit next to him. Alas, it was not to be. He found himself seated with Rick to his right instead of Zoey, while the latter sat across the table from him. He supposed he’d suffer through such a hardship; at least he could look at her without getting a crick in his neck.
Max set out the rules along with the chips, then performed the first deal.
It started out okay for Christian and less okay for Rick. The man’s dour expression turned to anger as his pile of chips diminished. Zoey was a deft hand in contrast, winning a few big rounds. She won one of the larger pots by bluffing on a pair of threes to the point where everyone else folded. The feat earned chuckles of grudging admiration from most of the players and a deeper scowl from Rick. Christian didn’t mind losing that round, since it meant he got a nice long look down Zoey's dress while she raked in the pot.
A few deals later, it was Rick’s turn to deal. The guy might not be great at poker but he seemed at least competent at shuffling. As Christian peeped at his hand he found himself having to really work on his poker face. A pair of Jacks looked up at him as if to say that tonight was his lucky night.
After the first betting round, Christian decided to draw two. His posture stayed casual, but inside he was jumping up and down like a loon; one of his new cards was a Jack as well. He eyed his stacks of chips and decided that there was no way he was folding, not on this hand.
Several people folded soon after. It came down to a three-way showdown between Christian, Rick, and Akihito. A few rounds of raising later and Rick folded with a grumble.
"You must have a good hand, Chris," said Akihito.
Christian responded with a casual shrug. "Only one way to find out. I raise you a hundred." He tossed his bet into the pot.
"Very well. I call," replied Akihito. He laid his cards in front of him in a smooth manner. "Triple eights."
Christian decided to be magnanimous in victory and not cackle like an evil overlord. "Pretty good! I got three Jacks." He matched Akihito's smooth layout as he put down his own cards.
Rick gave another little grumble. "Christian wins," he said. He picked up the discards and reformed the deck. He waved the latter in Christian's direction with an ironic air. "Congrats."
Akihito shook his head and chuckled while the winner half-stood out of his chair to rake the pot towards him. Christian sat down with a satisfied sigh and quickly segregated the chips into their proper denominations. Then he accepted the deck from Rick with a little nod and began to shuffle. The next few deals passed pleasantly; Christian didn't win, but he didn't lose much either.
On the fourth deal after Christian's big win, however, things went entirely to shit.
Rick won a relatively small pot, but he creased his forehead as he looked through the hands on the table. "I coulda sworn...where's the fourth Ace?"
It was Max's turn to deal, and he raised an eyebrow as he collected the cards and began to shuffle. "Whaddya mean?"
"I haven't seen the Ace of Clubs in a while," said Rick. "I think somebody's holding out."
Max rolled his eyes. "Oh come on, that's ridiculous."
Rick tapped the felt tabletop. "Just spread out the deck, okay? We should make sure."
With an exasperated sigh, Max complied. His put-upon air evaporated as he began sorting through the face-up cards, pulling out the Aces. He went through it four times, but was only able to find three of the Aces.
Sure enough, the Ace of Clubs was nowhere to be seen.
Max's face set into a frown. "Everyone, hands on the table, now. Keep 'em there."
A staccato series of thumps sounded through the room as everyone complied. Christian felt a little pang of fear, but quashed it with equal suddenness. For once he was innocent, and he wondered with some curiosity who was the guilty party.
"Here's what we're gonna do," said Max. "Starting with me, we're gonna each stand up in turn and keep our hands out and visible. Move real slow." He pushed himself up with slow care, keeping his hands up and out. "See anything, Harry?"
The guy to Max's left looked down at the now-empty chair and the floor under it. "Nothing."
"Okay. Now you stand."
As Harry obeyed, a new and horrifying thought struck Christian. He glanced across the table to Zoey, whose face was set in an impassive mask. Surely she wouldn't be stupid enough to cheat? But what if she was? He'd brought her, after all. Max would not be too happy with him.
The knot of tension in Christian's stomach cinched tighter as the wave of standing players inched its way oh-so-slowly towards Zoey. She didn't so much as glance at Christian the whole time, instead she kept her cool and indifferent expression. Her face didn't so much as flicker when it was her turn to stand...and revealed nothing.
Christian blew out a silent and relieved breath as the wave continued its way around the table to him. When it was his turn, he imitated Max's caution as he stood up slowly. His heart rate was just about back to normal. Once they'd found the cheater they could get back to playing cards...
Rick and the man to Christian's left both yelled simultaneously. "What the hell?"
Forgetting to move slowly, Christian spun and stared down in utter panicked disbelief at the Ace of Clubs sitting neatly in the center of his own seat.
Rick surged to his feet, his face contorted in anger. "I knew it! You damn cheat!"
Before Christian could so much as draw breath to protest he found himself staring down at a pistol held in Rick's mitt-like hand. A pistol that was aimed right at Christian's heart.
Max settled a hand next to his hip. "Rick, I'm only gonna say this once. Put that fucking thing away..."
Rick didn't pay the slightest attention as he continued his ranting. "What about your ladyfriend over there? She in on it too? I bet you got some signals set up, eh?"
"I didn't-!" began Christian.
Two sharp successive cracks sounded out, and for one moment Christian thought himself a dead man. But instead it was Rick's eyes who went wide with shock. The bear-like man looked down at himself, his gun slipping from suddenly nerveless fingers as a pair red blotches spread out and across his chest.
Christian whipped his head towards Zoey, who stood with that same emotionless expression and a pistol of her own pointed at Rick. Before he could even scream another protest, multiple bloody holes erupted in Zoey's chest simultaneous with the sound of rapid gunfire. Her now-boneless body toppled inelegantly backwards before Rick's own corpse could even hit the ground.
Max bared his teeth as smoke wafted from the muzzle of his now-drawn pistol. The players all stood in a frozen tableau around the table as they each tried to parse the carnage they'd just seen.
"God. Damn. SHIT!" Max roared as his furious gaze swung towards Christian.
"I didn't!" yelled Christian, gesturing at the Ace on his chair. "I didn't put that there!"
Somehow that declaration was the signal for 'everybody panic.' Christian stood like a stunned ox as the room filled with lot of screaming, flailing limbs, and running around. A tug at his shoulder snapped him out of his trance, and he turned to see Akihito. The man's face was no longer cheerful as he yanked again at Christian's arm. "WE GO! NOW!" he screamed.
Christian's self-preservation instincts kicked in, and he managed to beat Akihito in a sprint out the door.
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Max sighed as he sat down on his heels next to the woman's body. Her blue eyes stared lifelessly upwards. Her mouth hung open as a trickle of red dripped downward from one corner of her mouth. The blood mingled on the floor with the gore oozing from her shredded torso.
"Alas, poor thing," he intoned. "Such a sweet rose of summer, come to spread her cheer to these poor wintry climes only to be cut down in her prime by a cruel and fickle fate..."
Zara's eyes ceased their death-stare towards the ceiling and focused on him. "Oh bite me, Max."
He grinned. "Anytime you want, darlin'. And anywhere you care to name." He stood and reached down with one hand to help Zara to her feet.
Meanwhile Rory already had Christian's duffel on the table and unzipped. He sorted through it while humming a happy tune, unconcerned with his own seemingly bullet-ridden chest. "Ah!" He pulled out a white ID badge.
Max let go of Zara's hand. "Seriously, are you okay? That was a damned good flop you pulled. So good, in fact, that you just about gave this poor old heart of mine a serious stoppage. For a moment there I wondered if I'd used real bullets by accident."
"Eh, I've done better," replied Zara. She placed a comforting hand on his shoulder.
Rory rummaged around under his own chair and retrieved a small black case with a slot on its side. He set Christian's ID card within it and touched his ear. "Hey Silk, you reading me? Yeah, you should be able to scan it now."
The case emitted a faint whirr while Rory's expression turned from happy to put-upon. "Yes, I'm fine...I told you I'd be fine! It was just a couple of squibs, they're perfectly safe!" He rolled his eyes as the person on the other end continued their harangue. "Look, just scan the damn thing, wouldja? Lemme know when you're done."
Max strolled over to Rory. "Somebody on your crew wants to be your mother, eh?"
Rory sighed. "Only if my luck holds." He stuck out his mitt. "Thanks again for helping us out."
"No thanks necessary," replied Max as he shook Rory's hand. "The money is quite nice, but frankly I'm just happy that I got to see the master in action. You did a center deal to give Christian that third Jack, didn't you?"
"Yep." Rory's smile was as smug as a cat who's just knocked something very fragile and hideously expensive off of a counter-top.
"God. Damn. I was looking right at your hands and I still couldn't see it." Max held up a finger. "In my defense, I did see you flick that Ace onto his chair when he stood up to collect the pot."
Zara walked around the other side of the table with a duffel bag of her own. She unzipped it and pulled out a pristine dress, a shirt and jacket of Rory's size, and a few large stacks of cash. She began stripping out of her own ruined clothes, revealing quite a bit of skin along with the now-empty packs of fake blood strapped to her midsection. She yanked off the packs and bundled them into the duffel along with her original and ruined dress, leaving her clad only in a bra and panties.
Max tried and (for once) succeeded in not ogling a near-naked woman. Zara was easily young enough to be his daughter, which quashed any erotic feelings on his part into something more akin to a wistful longing to be young again. He distracted himself by pulling the stacks of money towards him and and sorting them into smaller and equal piles.
Meanwhile Rory started undressing himself as he argued with his unseen comrade. "I know it's an explosion close to the skin! But, and here's the important part, it's a very small explosion."
Zara smirked as she helped Rory out of his shirt and jacket, then out of his own blood-pack undergarment. All the while he continued to protest.
"I'm not gonna argue about this any more! Are you done? No, I mean with the card! You know, the thing we're going through all of this nonsense for?"
Max looked across the table at Zara. She'd just finished pulling on her new dress. "You guys must have something big in the works," he said.
She glared at him in sudden suspicion. In response Max mimed zipping his mouth closed, locking it, and throwing away an imaginary key. Then he grinned again. "Hey, I'm gettin' paid enough to not be curious. I just want you two to be careful, alright? Look after this schlub." He nodded towards Rory.
Zara's glare softened. "We will, and I will. Thanks."
The door to the back room swung open a crack and Akihito slipped in.
"Our boy all set?" asked Max.
Akihito nodded. "Last I saw he was running home as fast as his feet would take him. I don't think he's realized yet that he left his stuff here."
Rory gave another exasperated sigh as the black case let out a soft beep. "Okay, Silk...okay, yes, I hear ya. You sure you got all the data you need? Good, tell Big O that we're on our way back." He pulled the ID out of the scanner and tossed it back into Christian's duffel. "This is all yours."
Max reached over and zipped up Christian's duffel, then handed it to Akihito who in turn accepted it with a little bow of his head. Meanwhile, one by one the other players also slipped in through the half-open door. By the time Rory finished dressing, the rest of the original group stood ringed around the table.
Max looked around at the assembled group. "Good job, everyone." He motioned to the stacks of money. "You all earned your pay. One stack per person. Akihito has one last bit to do, and then we're finished. We reconvene at Francine's place in two hours, and I'll make sure she breaks out the good stuff." His scarred face smiled at them all in turn. "The first round's on me, but after that it's outta your own pockets. Ya buncha degenerates."
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His feet gave the beige carpet quite a workout as Christian Murphy paced back and forth in the living room of his modest apartment. Once he'd gotten over the adrenaline shock of watching someone fucking die while in bad-breath range, he'd realized that his uniform and ID badge were smack-dab in the middle of an active crime scene.
Christian rubbed a hand over his mouth as he wondered just what might happen. If Max decided to just split and leave the bodies there, the police would be paying a visit soon enough. They'd find the corpses along with his duffel. Hell, they might be ringing his doorbell at any moment.
Even if that never happened, he'd still need his ID to get back onto base. He'd have to get a replacement. Maybe he could claim that he'd been mugged? Or maybe he could sneak back to the location and see if he could snag his stuff before it became state's evidence. Either way, he had to decide now. If he reported a theft before any report of shooting or murder, that would count in his favor...
His frenzied musing ceased as the doorbell rang. Christian sidled up to his front door, taking care not to put his body directly in front of it. He risked moving in front of it just long enough to glance through the peephole.
Akihito stood on Christian's front stoop, glancing from side to side in barely-controlled fear.
Christian cracked his door open. "What the fuck?"
Akihito shoved a familiar duffel bag towards the just-opened entryway, and in surprise Christian let the door swing open wider to admit the offering. Christian's duffel thumped to the carpet next to his feet.
The unexpected visitor kept up his side-to-side scanning. "I must have dropped my wallet, okay? I snuck back in there to get it and saw nothing but some blood stains on the floor. Got my wallet back and saw your bag, I figured you'd want it. And this is it, understand? It's my last favor. No more sticking my neck out. From now on I don't know you and you don't know me."
"You didn't see Max?" hissed Christian.
"No. Maybe he was off chopping up the bodies of those two idiots, just so he could burn them easier. Just lay low, okay? Like I said, from now on we're all strangers to each other." Without a glance back Akihito turned and walked away.
Christian shut the door and regarded the duffel at his feet with something akin to sexual hunger. "Oh, please be in there..." He dove for it and unzipped the top with alacrity. "Please...," He dug one hand into its depths, moving it over the bulletproof fabric of his uniform. He sagged in relief as his fingers encountered a familiar square of plastic. Christian pulled out his ID and regarded it with an emotion akin to hunger.
He'd somehow gotten free of the whole mess. His superiors were not very forgiving, and he knew that if they caught wind of his infidelities they'd be very harsh with him. So all he had to do was say nothing and wait for the garbage pile to fade away into the distance.

Hi I plan to buy a custom poker set for my home game in which both big and little blind are 25 cents. The poker set Im looking to get is 800 chips with three denominations of 25 cent 1$ and 5$ chips. Would 500 25 cent chips, 250 1$ chips, and 50 5$ chips work? Or should I get more 5$ chips? Thanks!

Part II: In this half of this article, I discuss generic metal coin manufacturers and other options for adding metal currency to your games. Check out Part I for more info about games that include metal coins and coins designed with a specific game in mind.
Edit: I've fixed the image link for the "new" Terraforming Mars cubes. Thanks to u/halfisglassfull for pointing out the error.
Back in 2016, I posted an article under my other username (u/Luke_Matthews) about my obsession with adding metal coins to board games, which you can read here:
Board Games and Metal Coins, An Obsession
What started as a diversion became an obsession, and since that article bloomed into a full-on compulsion. I’ve upgraded over 60 games with unique metal coins and currency, and I’d like to share the current state of this compulsion and what I’ve learned along the way.
It’s such a strange thing, because metal coinage is a purely aesthetic upgrade. They don’t change game mechanics or offer any extension to the gameplay experience. Even so, deluxe editions have proven there’s a market for aesthetic upgrades, and metal coins have grown into one of the most popular.
I have fallen down the rabbit hole of adding unique, thematic coins for each individual game. This approach is not for everyone. If, instead, you’re interested in adding generic coins you can keep aside and use for multiple games, I’ll talk about what sets I think are the best for that purpose at the end of this article.
For now, let’s get on with the show! GAME TITLES ARE LINKS TO PHOTOS. For a more user-friendly image browsing experience, view this post on my website or on BoardGameGeek.
NOTE: There is no way this will be an exhaustive list of all the metal coins available. I’ll talk about coins I have direct personal experience with, as well as make notes of other coins I don’t have and why I don’t have them. There will likely be a lot of coins not included here, and I encourage you to add your own experiences and pictures in the comments.

FANTASY COIN, LLC

Fantasy Coin is one of the first companies I encountered making a range of different coin styles specifically for gaming applications, without tying them to specific games. Of all the coin manufacturers out there, Fantasy Coin are definitely my favorite. Their coins are thick and heavy with fantastic finishes and colors, and come in a wide array of fantasy and sci-fi themes.
Getting ahold of Fantasy Coin’s products can be a bit fraught, though, as their primary source of income tends to be Kickstarter. Their website frequently sells out, and as their stocks dwindle, they’ll run another Kickstarter to replenish. Once one of their Kickstarters ends and ships, they’ll typically have stock which can be ordered directly from their website, but be warned you might have to do a little research to find out when more are available.
They’ve had some logistical problems with a couple of their Kickstarter campaigns, but for the most part they’re really good at fulfilling them. Their latest campaign was really well handled, and I think they’ve done a great job of addressing their past issues. Some previous backers, IMO, go a little overboard blaming them for mistakes, but forgiveness is not a typical trait of spurned backers.
Don’t listen to the haters. Fantasy Coin’s products are genuinely amazing and come at a great price, especially if you get them in bulk from Kickstarter.

Alchemists

I spent a long time trying to decide what coins I’d get for Alchemists. Since it only really requires one denomination, I had a ton of options (the Charterstone coins are a phenomenal choice, FYI). I decided on these coins from FC’s “Magic” set.

Caverna

Caverna’s one of the first games I upgraded with FC coins, and I have WAY too many coins for the game. They’re real nice, though, all from FC’s “Dwarven” set.

Clank!

Originally, these coins resided in my copy of Lords of Xidit. They’re a great, generic fantasy theme, so can go in many games. Once I picked up the Roll Player coins, though, I thought those were a better fit for LoX, so I moved these over to Clank. And they’re a perfect fit!

Five Tribes

This is probably one of my favorite upgrades using FC coins. I couldn’t find any really good, affordable Arabic- or Middle East-themed coins (at the time, there are some now), so I decided to lean into the fantasy side for Five Tribes. The silver coins are from FC’s “Serpent” set, and the golds are from their “Air Elemental” set. I think both work really well as representations of djinn.
Some people complain, when using coins like this for Five Tribes, you can’t hide their denominations. If it’s important to you to do so, I suggest getting either pouches or player screens to keep the coins hidden. However, I’ve never once found open money to have a significant impact on the game, so we just don’t bother.

Lancaster

I was originally planning on putting the old Brass coins into my copy of Lancaster, but when FC launched their latest Kickstarter and I saw their “Nottingham” set, I just couldn’t resists such a perfect thematic match.

Lunarchitects

Lunarchitects doesn’t actually have currency in-game, but one of the other great uses for metal coins is as victory point chits. Lunarchitects has a LOT of VP chits, and I definitely went overboard here, but it’s such a great game and I love these “Sci-Fi” coins from FC.

Nippon

There are actually several different options for Japanese themed coins, including the Yokohama metal coins and Artana’s Japanese set (which you’ll see in the next section). I chose to go with Fantasy Coin’s “Feudal Japan” coins for Nippon, because I just love the way they look.

Race/Roll for the Galaxy

Here’s another couple of games without currency, but for which I’ve replaced the VP chits with metal coins. In this instance, I don’t think I went overboard at all, and these “Credits” coins from FC are just an amazing aesthetic upgrade for two classic games.

Yedo

Yedo is one of my wife’s all-time favorite games, and ranks high in the worker placement genre for me. So, naturally, I bought the same “Feudal Japan” coins I used for Nippon for my copy of Yedo.

ARTANA

While Fantasy Coin is the company you’d turn to for fantastical and sci-fi-themed coins, Artana’s where you go when you’re looking for something with a more historical bent. While they don’t mimic specific real-world coinage, their designs evoke real-world cultures and time periods, which make them a fantastic choice for your average Eurogame. They tend to be lighter and thinner than Fantasy Coin, but not in a bad way. They also have 5 different sizes and finishes, from “Tiny” – which live up to their name – to “Jumbo” which are larger than a US half-dollar.
Artana’s coins used to only be available via Kickstarter, but they’ve since shifted their model to selling through game-bling websites like The Broken Token and Top Shelf Gamer. Since many coin manufacturers still rely on periodic crowd-funding to release new products, Artana’s consistent availability makes them unique.
I have just as many Artana coins as Fantasy Coin, and for good reason: they’re awesome. I’m primarily a Eurogame player so their coins are a thematic match for a lot of games I own. Their price-point is roughly the same as Fantasy Coin – on the lower end of the spectrum, overall – although because they have five different sizes and styles in every coin set, the price point varies depending on what specific coins you buy.

Akrotiri

I’m still genuinely surprised at how perfect Artana’s “Ancient Greek” coins are for Akrotiri. The specific motif perfectly matches the designs in the game, and I couldn’t ask for more.

Archipelago

For Archipelago I wanted coins fitting a 1700’s nautical aesthetic. These are from Artana’s “Pirate Ships” theme. The other coins in the set were a little too “skull and crossbones” for what I wanted (although colonizers ARE just another form of pirate), but I thought these two coins fit the theme really well.

Castles of Mad King Ludwig

I mean, these “Early English Kings” coins aren’t technically thematically appropriate. But I had them and figured I’d toss them in with a game set in 1800’s Bavaria because… well because the game needed some coins.

Concordia

Got a game set in ancient Rome? Get some “Ancient Roman” coins!

Istanbul

Again, near-perfectly themed coins from Artana’s “Persia & Asia Minor” theme. I really like the way these coins look with Istanbul.

Troyes

Artana’s “Middle Ages” theme is great for a game set… in the middle ages. They’re a little more Anglo-Saxon than Frank or Norman, but no one’s ever really going to notice. Ystari games once made coins for Caylus which were a perfect thematic match for Troyes; alas, they are no longer available.

The Voyages of Marco Polo

These are the first Artana coins I ever picked up, from their “Renaissance” theme, and they couldn’t look better in this game.

Yamatai

Really, any of the Japanese-themed metal coins I’ve seen or owned – from the Tokaido coins to Fantasy Coin’s “Feudal Japan” theme – would work well in Yamatai. But as beautiful as this game is, I wanted something with a bit more variety. Artana’s “Japanese” theme fit the bill perfectly.

Giochix Historical Coins

I’m a little torn on the Giochix Historical Coins. On the one hand, they’re nice sizes and weights, and they feel and sound great. On the other hand, they’re not really filling any sort of necessary niche. Artana has the “historical” space covered pretty well, and Fantasy Coin’s selection of SFF themes is pretty universal. If they were going to create specifically thematic coins, I wish they’d have filled some of the holes in this tiny industry, or just gone completely generic, which actually would’ve fit their physicality a little better.
All that said, Giochix did manage to create a couple of themes I found useful, specifically their “Pre-Colombian” theme, which is an area of the world other companies have neglected. It is, however, pretty niche, and I understand why they chose to make more applicable themes for Eurogames.
I only have two minor gripes: First, the shiny finish – while not necessarily bad in and of itself – does make the denominations a little hard to tell apart at a distance. Second, the relief on the faces of the coins is very shallow, looking much more like modern Euros than anything fantastical or historical. The problem this leads to is making it very difficult to differentiate coins from different themes, but if they’re assigned to a specific game this shouldn’t really be an issue. (It’s only an issue for nutty people like me who have this many different coin sets.)
They’re a good price, coming in at about 24¢ (US) per coin, which is on the low end of the scale. Their affordability goes a long way to ameliorate the complaints I have. Now, it’s just a matter of figuring out their availability outside Kickstarter.

Altiplano

There aren’t many coins out there with a South/Central American theme, so when Giochix made their “Pre-Colombian” set, I knew I had to put some in my copy of Altiplano.

Lost Cities: The Board Game

Uh… same.

Heaven & Ale

Okay, so it’s a bit of a stretch to have Giochix’s “Spanish Colonial” set representing Heaven & Ale, a game about beer-brewing monks more likely set in Germany or Belgium, but there were Benedictine monasteries on the Iberian peninsula, so I’m just gonna run with it.

Isle of Skye

“Celtic Apogee”. Can’t be a better fit. As a side note, the metal coins for Clans of Caledonia would also be a great match for Isle of Skye, but I wanted to differentiate the two.

Lorenzo Il Magnifico

This very Italian game deserved some perfectly-themed “Medieval Italian” coinage.

Roman Coins

Since I got these sets in bulk from Giochix’s Kickstarter, I ended up also getting their “Ancient Rome” set. But I have no game to put it in. I would be suitable for Concordia or Trajan or any game set in Ancient Rome, but I already have coins in Concordia, and no other game with a Roman setting at the moment. Here’s a picture anyway.

REAL CURRENCY

Sometimes, fake coins either aren’t the answer or aren’t available. If you can’t find fake coins for your games, the best option might be actual currency, either historical or current. I’ve used real currency in 5 games, so far.
The real problem with acquiring real currency, especially if it’s historical or foreign (I’m in the US), is availability and price. Most of the time you’re not going to find it any cheaper than fake coinage, and getting enough coins in large enough lots to use for board games can sometimes be a chore. If you’re willing to do the extra legwork, though, you can get ahold of some really nice coins.

Ukrainian Kopiyka/Hryvna

When I published the original version of this article, I saw people shortly after talking about Ukrainian coinage for games. I followed through on picking some up, because they are INSANELY cheap in this context, running about 8¢ per coin. Which, incidentally, is massively higher than the exchange rate for some of them, but still massively cheaper than fake coinage. The design is pretty, and is the same across all the kopiykas, and they come in all the standard European denominations.
There’s a problem, though. The 1s and 10s are extremely small, thin, and light. Smaller and thinner than a dime, and significantly lighter. For me, this is a massive issue, for a number of reasons. They’re so small and thin I actually have trouble picking them up, which makes them frustrating to use. But more importantly, they’re not really an aesthetic upgrade from punchboard coins. Every time I used them, I found myself disappointed and just wanting to go back to the cardboard ones.
There is one MASSIVE exception here: the Ukrainian 1 Hryvna coins, which I’ll detail below under “Village”.

Camel Up

I put a set of these in Camel Up, and that’s what I’m using for the pictures. But, honestly, I’m going to replace them very soon.

Village

The unlike the kopiykas, the 1 Hryvna coins are actually pretty fantastic. They’re a little bigger than a quarter, and they’re really beautiful. You’ll have to cope with a very, very Orthodox design, and they’re obviously only good for games with a single denomination. But all those features make them really perfect for Village, a game with a small number of single denomination coins and a church as a major part of the theme!

Le Havre/Le Havre: The Inland Port

I couldn’t find good, fake coins for Le Havre, so I just bought real ones! These are WWII-era aluminum “Emergency Coins” from France, and they’re absolutely fantastic. They’re a little light, being made from aluminum, but they’re beautiful and thematic, even if the time period is a little off.
Beware, though: There are two different kinds of these coins. Some are from the French Republic, occupied in WWII by the Germans but still opposed to them, and some are from Vichy France, a French state who became collaborationists with the Germans. You can tell them apart (both physically and in ideology) by their mottos: The Republic coins say “Liberte, Egalite, Fraternite” (or “Liberty, Equality, Fraternity”), where the Vichy coins say “Travail, Famille, Patrie” (or “Work, Family, Fatherland”. YEAH).
Don’t get the Nazi-adjacent coins.

Grand Austria Hotel

Good Austrian coins for games are hard to find at a good price. The thematic ones – especially for a game like Grand Austria Hotel – are prohibitively expensive. Granted, it’s not entirely necessary to replace the money tracks in GAH, but I wanted to anyway.
I ended up picking up a bunch of semi-modern Austrian Groschen. They’re a little small, and they might be too modern for the theme, but they’re Austrian and that’s enough for me.

Great Western Trail

I absolutely can’t take credit for this particular idea. I saw a reply on BGG from user TRONOFOTHEDEAD with the idea of using Indian Head Pennies and Buffalo Nickels for Great Western Trail, and I followed suit. I gotta say, I *love* these coins for this game, especially the 2-cent coin as the round marker.
This is a rather expensive upgrade. The bulk of the coins aren’t too bad. The Buffalo Nickels are actually only about 7¢ per coin, but the Indian Head Pennies run about 60¢ each. The two, together, average about 37¢ per coin, which is on the high end, but not terrible.
It’s the 2-cent coin which really breaks things, though. I paid $14 for the 2-cent coin alone, the common price range is for coins in not great shape. To be fair, when shopping for coins like these, you’re rarely going to get coins in decent shape at these prices. This is the cost for what are called “culls”, or coins collectors have separated out as junk and are selling in bulk because they’re not collectible.
But they’re perfect for board games!
As a side note, the metal coins for Montana: Heritage Edition are a near-perfect thematic match for Great Western Trail, if Big Kid Games decides to sell them at retail.

Russian Railroads

I couldn’t have asked for a more perfect upgrade than these. The included coins are clearly modeled after rubles, so real rubles are a great replacement. This set was comparatively expensive, costing me about $18 for 20 coins, but since I only needed those 20 and they were so thematically perfect, I bit the bullet.
The problem, now, is 90’s era rubles are pretty difficult to find. I tried searching for them on eBay (where I got these) and couldn’t find a decent lot.

OTHER GENERIC COINS

These are a couple of examples of other fake coins not specifically designed for board games, but which work well under certain circumstances.

Pachinko Tokens

Pachinko tokens are an absolutely fantastic option for generic coins, especially if you want something vaguely U.S.A. themed. I originally bought a large lot of them for a planned LARP which never materialized, and have since repurposed them for several different games. Almost all pachinko/pachislo tokens are about the same size and weight as a US quarter, and most of them will come with Japanese, vaguely American, or casino/gambling designs. Mine are mostly U.S.A. themed, so I use them in games with a modern Western theme.

No Thanks

No Thanks doesn’t actually have currency, per se, but it does have a set of tokens used for gameplay. My generic gold pachinko tokens fit the bill very well.

Panamax

Finding modern-themed fake coinage is actually rather impossible, so pachinko tokens work really well in modern western settings like Panamax or…

Suburbia

Again, modern Western setting, and nearly thematic coins to go with it. A great addition to Suburbia. At least right up until I get my copy of the Collector’s Edition, which includes bespoke metal coins!

Pirate Dubloons

“Pirate Dubloon” is probably the most ubiquitous theme in fake coinage, both metal and plastic. I got these particular coins on Amazon, for really cheap. They’re about he same size as a US quarter and come in 4 different finishes.
Note: these are the same coins Eagle & Gryphon Games sells for Empires: Age of Discovery, but they’re MUCH cheaper on Amazon and can be obtained in larger quantities.

Libertalia

I don’t have a hell of a lot of pirate-themed games in my collection, so I found the one game they work really well with.

CUSTOM POKER CHIPS

Some games just scream for custom poker chips instead of metal coins, and I can’t help but oblige. I’ve made custom chips both for currency and tokens for games, but I’ve only included pictures of the currency here. Making custom poker chips is actually fairly easy with a set of relatively inexpensive tools. I’ve created a tutorial on how to do it, which you can find HERE. That tutorial also has links for artwork which can be used for printing your own stickers for the games I detail here.

Capital Lux

The square wood “coins” included with Capital Lux, frankly, baffle me. They neither look like gold coins nor match the theme of the game, and for a card game as beautiful as Capital Lux, with stunning art from the always amazing Kwanchai Moriya, they actually detract. So it was a no-brainer for me to design chips for the game.

For Sale

For Sale could easily have been upgraded with metal coins, but something about the punchboard design just called to me for custom poker chips.

NON-COIN CURRENCY

Sometimes a game has some form of currency that – GASP! – isn’t coins. There are still tons of opportunities to upgrade currency like this, though!

Castles of Burgundy

The “Ore” from Stonemaier’s Treasure Chest is a perfect upgrade for the Silverlings in Castles of Burgundy.📷

Lord$ of Vega$

There’s a chance I may replace these with full-size custom poker chips some day, but for right now I love using these mini poker chips in Lord$ of Vega$. These particular chips aren’t available anymore, as far as I know, which is a shame. They’re the only mini poker chips I’ve found modeled after regular chips instead of the plastic, ridged ones, which I viscerally dislike.

Patchwork

I mean, this one’s just obvious, right?

Terraforming Mars

Okay, there are a couple of different sites offering a metal cube upgrade for Terraforming Mars, to replace the metallic plastic cubes included with the game. The upgrade is phenomenal, and it was one of the first things I ordered after getting the game.
Here’s a pic of that set.
But it’s always bothered me that the “gold” cubes in the set are the gold bars from the Stonemaier Treasure Chest instead of actual cubes. I know it’s a piddling thing, but it just seemed a little off.
A friend of mine, Eric, is the biggest Terraforming Mars fanatic I know. My gaming group plays the game a lot, and Eric plays it even more, with multiple groups he joins to play. So it only makes sense he’d be the one crazy enough to actually requisition a new set of metal cubes for Terraforming Mars, ones better matching the style of the game by a) actually having CUBES for the gold, and b) all being different sizes.
Here’s a pic of these new, awesome cubes.
This set is better, IMO, than the ones you can get from The Broken Token**. Eric** plans to make them available via an Etsy page soon, and I’ll update this article with a link as soon as it’s up and running.

DISHONORABLE MENTION

I know I already mentioned the coins for Tokaido’s Collector’s Edition, but before I bought the CE I had these coins for my retail edition. They’re unmitigated garbage.
They’re thin and flimsy and tiny and they don’t sound great or feel particularly good and they’re really not any better than the carboard coins and they’re Chinese and not Japanese and they’re trash.
A pic of these awful coins
I paid $2.47 for 40 coins, shipped, and I got ripped off, honestly.

COINS I DON’T OWN AND WHY

Obviously I’m not going to go into detail here about games I don’t own which include metal coins. I mentioned several sets in the Bespoke section above. But here are some details on some metal coins made by other companies and why I haven’t added them to any of my games.
The main reason I don’t own any of these is price. I was willing to spend the extra bucks for game-specific coins for LoW and 7 Wonders, and maybe my set of Russian Rubles, because the theming made it (sort of) worth the extra cost (I’ll be honest: I own and love those coins, but probably wouldn’t pay the price again. Maybe. I think?). Most of the coins below cost nearly the same (75₵-$1 per coin), but aren’t specifically themed for a board game.
In a lot of cases, getting enough coins for a board game involves multiple “sets” – as the manufacturers define them – so you don’t run short during play. With these manufacturers, multiple sets just end up being too damned spendy. That being said, the coins they make do look fantastic. The designs are really good, but they’ll need to come down in price before I’d be willing to buy some.

Legendary Metal Coins by Drawlab

The designs here are really great. I contemplated getting a set of their Arabic theme for Five Tribes, but I couldn’t justify the cost. Even in bulk, at their cheapest offering, they’re still 70₵ per coin. Most games, in my experience, require 50-60 coins to ensure you don’t run out at higher player counts, which rounds out to about $35-$48 for a set (depending on how you acquire them). That’s a little above my top end; half-again to double what I paid for the coins from Fantasy Coin and Artana.

Campaign Coins

Campaign Coins are really beautiful, and have the most “high fantasy” feel of any I’ve found. I actually considered getting sets from them for Lords of Xidit, simply because they match better thematically. However, at their cheapest, they’re about identical in price to the Legendary coins, so just out of my range.

Minion Games

Minion Games doesn’t have a wide variety, with only two different themes: “Metal Dragon Coins” and “Futuristic Metal Coins” (the coins for Hegemonic), and they range in price from 70₵ to 90₵ per coin. Which is, frankly, absurd.
They’re cool looking coins, but they’re absolutely not worth the price.

Moedas & Co

The only reason I don’t have experience with Moedas’s coins is because I just haven’t ordered any yet. They have some very awesome bespoke coins for specific games, including the giants like Terra Mystica, Great Western Trail, Lisboa, and more. Their prices are right in line with companies like Artana and Fantasy Coin, and their coins look genuinely great.
They’re a Brazilian company and their website doesn’t handle currency conversion, so to place an order in North America you have to e-mail them directly, which does add a layer of difficulty. It’s not something I’m at all averse to doing – the owner replies occasionally on BGG and other users have posted positively about their products and service – I just haven’t done it yet.

Never Stop Tops & Coins

Again, gorgeous, but expensive. Not quite as expensive as some of the others here, but still just outside what I would consider affordable. And, honestly, I haven’t seen any recent information about this company, so they may not be making coins anymore.

Shire Post Mint

Shirepost’s coins aren’t really viable for this kind of application. They primarily do licensed coins (Lord of the Rings, Kingkiller Chronicle, A Song of Ice and Fire, etc.), and they’re not built for bulk orders. They’re designed to be a novelty, and are wildly expensive, coming in at well in excess of $1 per coin. So, they’re cool, but not really worth it for board gaming.

Rare Elements Foundry

Rare Elements Foundry is one of the first companies I ever encountered making metal fantasy coins. Unfortunately, they are ungodly expensive for the most part. Their coins run around $22-$25 for a set of 10, pushing them up to and even beyond Shirepost’s prices. Their coins are very beautiful, but not feasible in quantity.

BEST GENERIC COINS

Here’s the thing: I love upgrading the coins in my games, and I think metal coins add a genuinely massive aesthetic boost. They’re absolutely my favorite type of upgrade. BUT, I also understand buying separate, thematic coin sets for a ton of different games isn’t for everyone. You might want metal coins, but would rather just have one or two generic sets you can use across multiple games whenever you play. So here are my opinions on the best coins for that purpose:
Honorable Mention – Poker Chips
Poker chips, either generic or custom, are a great option. They’re frequently cheaper than metal coins, and you can get them in a bajillion different styles with or without denominations. But they’re not metal, and that’s an issue. They’re a fantastic option, though.
Honorable Mention – Pachinko Tokens
Granted, pachinko tokens have a weird “theme” and they look more modern than thematic, but honestly they’re great coins and you just can’t find a better deal. They come so cheap and in such large quantities I have to mention them here as an option for the budget-conscious.
Honorable Mention – Scythe Coins
The Scythe coins are absolutely fantastic quality and, as I mentioned before, are almost so thematic they’re themeless. If you want a set of coins with a little extra flair and don’t think their odd theming will clash with your games, you absolutely can’t go wrong here.

BEST SINGLE-DENOMINATION COINS – CHARTERSTONE COINS

Stonemaier does it again with their Charterstone metal coins. You absolutely cannot get a better set of coins for games with a single denomination. Some examples of games these coins would work great in are Lancaster, Russian Railroads, Villages of Valeria, Alchemists, and Village. But, basically any game where you only need 1s, get yourself a set of these.
Charterstone Coins

BEST OVERALL GENERIC COINS – SEAFALL COINS

The clear winner here are the Seafall coins from Plaid Hat Games. They may be rather generic, but their design is beautiful, and they’d make a fantastic addition to any game you’d want to use them with. They’re a tiny bit expensive at about 40¢ per coin, but there’s over 100 coins in the set and if you’re only buying them once, it’s an absolute no-brainer.
They’re a great size and weight, and the colors and finishes are unmatched. I really like how distinguishable the colors are on these coins, and I absolutely love the satin finish because it keeps glare low and amps up the color variance, making the coins easy to tell apart from across the table.

If you can only get one set of coins for all your board games, make it this set.

METAL COINS FOR BOARD GAMES, A GEEKLIST

I acquire new coins as I get new games, and sometimes coins change homes when a game leaves my collection. To track and show these changes, I’ve started THIS GEEKLIST on BGG. Do you have metal coins in your collection? Do you want to show them off? Please add your own pics and descriptions to that GeekList! I know my collection is not comprehensive, and the more pictures and suggestions for coins and they games they work with would be incredible!
Thanks for spending the time to peruse my compulsion for metal coins in board games! I hope you’ve enjoyed the pictures and commentary. If you have metal coins of your own and would like to show them off, I’d love to see them added to the GeekList, and I’d love to hear your thoughts.
If you want to talk about metal coins, or DIY upgrades, or board games in general, you can always find me on Twitter @PixelartMeeple, on Instagram @pixelartmeeple, on BGG at PixelartMeeple, and on my website www.pixelartmeeple.com! You can also hear my (much more succinct) thoughts on games on The Five By podcast.
Thanks for reading, and happy gaming!

So I got a garage that could accommodate 2 tables ( I already have one but it's one of those folding barrington's with meh felt, so probably need to re-felt it) and some "desert heat casino " chips from apachechips. I usually just play micro stakes with friends but I am interested in running a legit raked game perhaps 1/2 or 1/3. I would probably provide drinks and snacks.
I'd also like to have a fair rake structure, and not something that is absurd, I've seen some games that have rake structures of 10% with 15 or 25$ caps and that just seems ridiculous and unsustainable. Would a 5% with a $10 cap be reasonable, or would a 8$/hr flat time fee be better? Seems like a time fee would be harder to implement and collect logistically.
Is hiring dealers mandatory? Or could I deal the game? I am a fairly good dealer ( can wash, riffle, riffle, box, riffle, and cut ) and deal with minimal mistakes, but dealing for 8 hours straight is probably unfeasible. One thing I think I'd struggle with is multiple all ins and creating multiple side pots, also games other than holdem/PLO ( I might struggle with reading multiple hands of PLO at once ).
How do you get players for a home game? Advertising on poker obviously but how do you get a good player pool, maybe Instagram and Craigslist but also it would probably be best to keep it on the down low since it's not exactly the most legal thing ever.
Lastly, are custom chips a must? I have a set now with denominations and I know exactly how many chips I have so I would be able to keep count at the end of the night and make sure nobody is bringing additional funds(Moshe)

I am looking to once and for all get rid of all the thousands of small cardboard coins in all my board games. It will be an investment, but let me know what you think.
The idea is to create some custom poker chips that are in the denominations of 1, 5, 10, 20 similar to 95% of board games. I don't have the inlay design yet as you can see. But they would follow as copper, silver, gold, and...whatever the last one is :)
I have played around with the designer alot and made many potential sets with more "poker" style spot designs...but in the end I think I like this more simple design the best. I don't necessarily want poker chips, I want board game coins.
Give me your feedback.
https://imgur.com/a/pR2Zm37
PS if anyone wants to make an amazing inlay design, I will send you a sample set once complete. I can send you the link to the templates.
Update: these would be actual clay, casino quality poker chips. Not plastic like Roxley "iron" clays. Not china clays like Milanos. Not metal slug weighted plastic. Not "poker" colors of red, green and blue. They would be copper, silver, gold, etc. They would be casino quality, actual clay poker chips. I have not found anything like them anywhere.
I have multiple poker chip sets made by Paulson... I don't like playing board games that require coins with bright colored poker chips. I ordered 4 boxes of Roxley Iron Clays..they are basically just injection plastic and don't stack very well...fall all over the table. I have multiple orders of Scythe coins, coins from Dinosaur Island, coins from Architects of the West Kingdom, and on and on and on. These will be very different.
​
UPDATE: Here is an alternative options. I think these just look too much like my other poker chips. I like the first picture. More simple and less "poker"ish. Thoughts?
https://imgur.com/a/2tzVPVA

So I recently started hosting poker games at my house and it's slowly starting to grow. I was wanting to get some higher quality chips with the denomination value on them. I'm looking for customized stacks to just the denominations we use for our tournament style. I've look around at so many websites and the reviews all have some negatives to them. Mostly related to the denomination stickers falling off etc...
So which poker chips do you guys use? Which ones do you recommend? My top choice right now is probably The Mint from claysmith gaming, but I've seen others that look great too.

BGG Thread Link
by odie73
Discount Poker Shop offers these 13.5 g clay chips for $3 per set of 25 plus an additional discount of 5% with code "nov5": https://www.discountpokershop.com/25pc-135g-stripe-suited-cl...
Those chips are: denominated with clear numbers have a simple design with little to no "embellishments" As an added bonus: different denominations in sets of 25 can be combined for your custom chip set (including 10s, rarely present in pre-made sets)
I will see how they hold up quality-wise but with the option of assembling my own set of 300 for ~$50 with shipping I thought it was worth taking a flyer on.

**Platform(s):PC/Windows
**Genre:Poker
**Estimated year of release: Win3.1/95/98 era
**Graphics/art style:Poker table syle
**Other details:
It was a standard top down view of a green table but everyone's chips were stored on the left edge of the screen in the standard "grooves" you see on tables. Each player had a set of 4 grooves or so to hold each denomination of chips. I think you could play with a max of 8 players, so if only 4 played then only 4 sets of grooves were filled with chips. This whole arrangement is different than modern poker games where people are represented by avatars sitting around a table. Here everyone was just had their chips on the left edge.
The top of the screen had some information on it, can't remember what, some numbers?
The game played audio for each action you selected, such as call, fold, etc. Whenever chips were being moved around it also played a pretty loud "chip shuffling sound" If a player with lots of chips went all in and lost then it would take a long time for his chips to get shuffled down to the other player.
You could play various poker games, such as Texas Hold'em or 5 card stud. You could also edit rules to create custom games, like making cards wild and other things.
Any ideas?

This is in response to this thread: http://www.reddit.com/IAmA/comments/os8xb/iama_request_casino_slotmachine_technician_o
I will post verification after I eat dinner, I am just now leaving work. I will also post a quite technical explanation of how slot machines work when I get settled down at home. For now, this link will have to do (I wrote this a couple years ago): http://fatboy.geekside.com/misc/slotmachine.php
I worked at a casino in Indiana, not Las Vegas, but most of the slot machines you'd find in Vegas, you'd find at the casino I worked at as well.
Answers to the original questions: 1) It's completely random, though there is a minimum theoretical payback percentage of 80% according to Indiana State Gaming Commission (note: Theoretical is not equal to actual). Yes, some games are programmed to "hit" more than others, but that's only a theoretical percentage that changes, forcing a hit frequency is illegal according to the state.
2) No, but technically the theoretical percentage changes when you have networked progressive machines, but I will expand on this later when I get home.
3) See answer 1.
4) Some machines have bonus games where you can set the theoretical percentage, some are just included with the game's overall percentage. This will also be covered more in depth later.
5) No, slot machines are all based off math. I hate sounding like a broken record, but I will expand on this as well when I get back home.
Please, ask me literally anything. I've seen / heard some crazy stories at the small casino I worked at.
This is a call to any math gurus out there: Some of the math will be pretty involved here, and while I can explain the most of it that I'll be discussing, I wouldn't mind some helping explaining some of it to others who might not understand my interpretations.
Edit: Here is my verification: http://imgur.com/TbB3T
So here comes the technical part of this and it might get a bit lengthy.
Definitions:
Theoretical Percentage: A theoretical value of how much the machine should pay out. This is usually referred to as the "PAR".
Actual PAR: How much the machine actually has paid out. Note: this can not be forced, according to the Indiana State Gaming Regulation (and none that I have heard of, but I'm not a law book either).
Coin In: How much money has been bet, this was derived from old "coin" machines when you still had to put coins into a slot machine. This is not the same as "Bill In" which referrs to the amount in dollars that has been put into the slot machine. A quick explanation: You can put in a $20 bill, and as long as you keep winning money back, you can keep betting more money, that eventually totals over $20. This amount of money is the Coin In.
Physical Reel Stops: Each symbol on the reel is a "stop." Typically due to size ratios most physical reels have 22 symbols (regardless of the width of the reel). If I'm wrong on that number, I apologize, but it's what I seemed to notice (though I might have been inadvertently looking at the same manufacturer).
Virtual Reel Stops: A set of virtual stops that correlate to each physical stop. Say you have this order on a reel: Cherry, 7, diamond, blank, bar. A virtual reel might have 7 cherries in a row, then 2 7's, then 18 diamonds, 12 blanks and 5 bars. So my best way to describe that is imagine a really big physical real with those symbols in that order.
Total Combinations: How many possible combinations can be formed from the virtual reel strips., this is the product of the amount of virtual stops on each reel. If the reel 1 = 30 stops, reel 2 = 54 stops, and reel 3 = 79 stops, then total combinations = 30 x 54 x 79. I've seen some slot machines with total combinations of over 10 million, and only one of those combinations is the "jackpot."
Progressive Machine: The type of slot machine where the jackpot keeps growing (or progressing :P)
PAR sheet: Paytable and Reels. This is a sheet with a table of information about the specific game on the slot machine. Typical information includes Theoretical PAR, hit frequency, total combinations, Physical Reel Stops, Virtual Reel Stops, etc.
Think of a slot machine with a crazy high amount of sides on a die. You can calculate your odds based off how many sides there are total (let's say to keep it simple 100 sides), compared to the total amount of money you could win back from all those sides. If the sides paid a sum of $97.00, and you paid $1 for each roll, you'd get a 97% theoretical payback.
If that was a bit much, try this: Let's play a game. You give me a dollar, I flip a quarter. If it lands on heads I give your dollar back to you; however, if it lands on tails, I get to keep the dollar. I would expect to land on heads 50% of the time, and tails the other 50%. If we played this game 10 times, you would get $5 in return. This has a 50% theoretical payback. As you may know, you could very well land on heads all ten times in a row and get 100% payback, or land on tails and get 0% payback. Multiply that on a much larger scale.
Every press of the spin button is just like a new roll on a die (as in: the past roll does not affect the previous roll).
So wait, since these are virtual reels then how do we know what the symbols correlate to? This answer is quite easy: The spin button tells the computer inside the slot machine that a new spin is happening. The computer picks a random number, that random number is what "combination." This combination is then correlated from virtual reels to physical reels, and the computer (via optical sensors) tell the reels where to stop. The display then shows the player how much money (if any) that virtual combination won, but if you look at the reels, it would still be 2 cherries, or 3 bars, or whatever the winning combination might be.
I apologize if I was a little vague with that, let me know and I will do my best to explain in better terms.
Bonus games: Some of these have their own PAR to be set to, some are just factored into the game's PAR that you set the machine to. Generally bonus games are a cheap way of making the player feel like they won anymore than they would have if they would have kept playing the slot machine regularly.
Progressive machines: These machine will add x% theoretical payout to the overall PAR of the machine, since the "$150,000 jackpot" will add to the overall payout of the machine (albeit only once in a very long while, mathematically anyhow). When you tell the Gaming Jurisdiction the Theoretical PAR of a slot machine, you need to tell them the Game's Theo PAR, the Progressive PAR, and a sum of the two.
The Indiana State Gaming Commission requires the minimum Theoretical PAR to be at 80%, and no greater than 100%.
I am available to answer questions, I will check on this periodically throughout the evening / tomorrow.

Questions and Answers:

Have you ever seen people putting things in the slot machines other than coins? I can imagine some drunk bastards trying to stuff in buttons or something.
These days coin slot machines aren't near as common. I have seen plenty of people put coins into the card readers though, that you use for your player cards. I've also seen cardboard inserted into the bill validator (the machine that accepts your dollar bills), plastic, cigarette box wrappers, chewing gum, you name it. Cleaning trash out of card readers and Bill Validators was a real PITA.
What is the most extreme reaction you have ever witnessed by someone winning/losing? I don't know, really. You generally see excited screams/crying/jumping for winning, and often will see people screaming (angrily) at slot machines when losing, sometimes they punch them, etc. Just think of your typical extremes of excitement and anger, and you have that answer.
Highest amount you have seen someone win/lose? The most I have witnessed that was paid out correctly was only around $150,000. Shelbyville, Indiana is a little city, better referred to as a "podunk town," so they didn't have crazy million dollar jackpots or anything that I can recall (this was 2 years ago so memory might be a little fuzzy here).
Do you gamble? Which machine game is your favorite i.e. video poker, games like Jackpot Party, the 777 machines, etc. I don't gamble often, and if I do it is small amounts ($20-$40). I understand the math well enough to know that if I win I just got lucky. Video Poker is actually unique because the rules state how many decks are used and what hands win what amount, thus you can calculate your percentage on the fly. I generally play slot machines randomly though, a few spins on the higher denominations (as the general rule of thumb is that a higher denom will be set to a higher Theoretical PAR), and if I win some I cash out. I will generally try to win $40-$50 and buy pizza for the group I'm with, because they generally gamble all the money they brought away.
How long have you had this job? I had that job for 2 years.
What is the craziest thing you have ever seen in your casino? Crazy? Probably some of the people and their rituals. Funny? Probably the guy in a motorized wheelchair who backed away from his machine, hit a chair, then flipped the scooter over and fell out. Awesome? Probably the 3 way make out session from girls in the club the casino used to have; or this one girl liked to not wear any underwear and come in wearing a skirt, then anytime a guy walked buy she would uncross her legs then recross them (so if she's sitting right over left, uncross and go left over right).
Have you ever witnessed someone cheating (I'm guessing slots are pretty impossible to cheat on, but just curious). I've witness people try to fake ticket validation (when you cash out of a slot machine you get a dollar bill sized ticket that can be redeemed for cash). I caught that pretty easily though and he got arrested. I have run extensive testing on various machines in the casino (such as the electronic blackjack table) due to such allegations of inaccuracy, but I can assure you, the electronic tables Indiana Live had were pretty legit (this is not advertising, I hated working at that place).
Have you run across any Japanese machines made by Sammy or Aruze/Universal? If so, what are your opinions and insights? I have not. I will say that IGT has some really awesome machines though.
I read that the machines with the best payouts are either in elevated areas or near main lobbies, or any place with a lot of traffic. The idea behind this was that the casino wants you to see people winning. Conversely, the machines near the table games were said to have lower payouts since the casino doesn't want the table players to complain about too much noise. Do you know if there is any truth to this? Typically at the casino I worked at all of the main lobby areas, entrances, etc. all had a typically lower payout than the same slot machine of the same game. The logic was something to do with when people first get into the casino they don't care about the payout, it's more about the fact they get to play.
The machines around the electronic tables that casino had (they were not allowed to have real cards/chips/games due to Indiana Gaming Regulations for Racing Casinos - "Racinos") were at a significantly lower percentage, but this was not due to noise. The idea behind this was that when people stand in line waiting on a spot for the table to open up, they'll drop a $20 or more into the available machines around the tables. This was the case for all the popular machines as well (such as Wheel of Fortune, Jaws, Wizard of Oz, etc).
Have you or your peers ever encountered or discovered an exploit within a slot machine that allowed for cash to be withdrawed without playing fair or anything of the sort?\Not quite what you are thinking of, no, however there are some instances I can tell you about of incorrect payouts, etc.
1) A progressive jackpot for $100,000+ was hit one night. A Slot Attendant (the supposed-to-be-friendly customer service people that walk around and pay people their money) was getting ready to fill out his Hand Pay slip (if you win $1200+ then you must be paid by the cashier as $1200 is the tax limit in the state of Indiana) and noticed that the combination on the reels was not a winning combination, however, the machine had said he won. I was called to the machine to investigate this issue, upon doing a reel test (where you tell it which symbols to line up and it lines them up as they should be) I noticed that one of the reels was incorrect. The reel strip had been moved by a few symbols away from the "home position." This is generally due to people not putting them on right from the start of the slot machine's life, or an error while cleaning the strips (they do get dust on them after so long, so part of the Preventive Maintenance process was cleaning these with a damp rag). When setting up a slot machine for the first time it must pass rigorous testing from the Gaming Commission, and the test apparently passed then. We checked the log inside the machine and noticed just a couple weeks prior the slot machine had been PM'ed. Needless to say, the customer got paid out anyway.
2) One time a progress for $93,000 hit, pretty much same events as the previous story of how I get called to the machine. Upon reviewing the settings, I see that a second level progressive (which is usually MUCH lower than the highest level progressive) was set to the same amount as the top level, but for a much easier combination (by comparison to the jackpot winning combination) was set to hit it. I found this while the VP of Slots was down investing the issue as well. We again went through the log and found which supervisor and technician had worked on the machine and both of them had actually previously been fired to this event happening. This customer also got paid out without any further issues (though the VP was quite upset that we had to pay the customer $93,000 due to this size of an error). The best part about that error: The casino should have been fined for that, since the machine's PAR was actually a higher percentage than the state was aware, since the game was configured incorrectly. This slipped through the testing process because hitting the 2nd level jackpot award isn't exactly frequent (it had been nearly a year since the machine was setup that way).
3) One way of tampering that I was actually mentioning in my OP (where a guy ended up arrested) was photocopying his higher value tickets (say redeemable for $300+) and then cutting the barcode off and taping it onto a $20 ticket. He then runs this ticket through a slot machine. The machine only reads a barcode, so it was not aware it had been cut and pasted. This genius then decides to take his $300 ticket to the cashier and say "hey this machine won't give me my money for my $300 ticket." I happened to be the tech to receive the call to go open a cash box (which also required a security officer, a Slot Manager, and Bank Manager) to investigate this dispute (I hated doing cash box runs unless they were really heated disputes because you basically stand around with your thumb up your ass; but the heated ones are always fun to watch the Gaming Agents put the unruly guests in their place). Needless to say, I laughed out loud when we pulled the ticket with the cut and pasted barcode out in front of the dude's face (they had previously pulled surveillance footage to see this same guy cashing in the false ticket in a slot machine). They hit him with a few charges.
Can you help explain the mentality behind someone wanting to bet against a computer designed to take your money? I just don't understand the appeal. If I'm gonna gamble why not have fun and play some table games, at least light your money on fire in an exciting way. I truly cannot answer that question. I think it's the excitement that you have a chance to win that much money, and some people convince themselves that they will win it. There are a lot of idiot "Professional Gamblers" out there with outrageous claims.
Which vendor do you hate the most? Ballys, IGT, Williams, Rocket, MGAM, Western Money? Or, all of the above? Wow, out of the list you gave me that's hard to answer. I honestly enjoy the IGT and Bally product. I feel that I knew IGT the best, I got very into learning the various AVP platforms they had (Advanced Video Platform, not Alien Vs Predator). I liked learning the older stuff too (the S2000 which had big ol' EEPROMs).
Bally seemed to be the easiest to work on universally, but that's only because most of the machines were newer, so it's like working on IGT AVP and up machines. The IGT S2000's became pretty easy after awhile, but they took some getting used to. Williams actually used to be with Bally so a lot of their software was very similar, but the layout of the Williams machines just peeved me; for example, to change the "backplane" or "bulkhead" (or 30 other names for this part) in a WMS Bluebird or Bluebird 2 you have to remove a fair amount of components that are in the way. It's just bad design. It was this way for an IGT S2000, but that machine is also really old (whereas a BBU is only a few years old, maybe up to 5 or 6 years old now).
The over all slot manufacturer I disliked the most: Aristocrat. The machines were so inconsistent with operations, the RAM Clear (the equivalent of a reformat) was a PITA until you got the hang of it, and so many themes were developed without proper testing and would be revoked and/or updated like crazy.
The over all company I disliked most due to their technicians: ShuffleMaster. The technicians I interfaced with there knew about as much as my grandmother who doesn't own a computer. Funny story about good ol' ShuffleMaster: Vendor Tech comes in to work on the table. This table has a server and the rest of the stations are clients (pretty simple, right?). As he's working on the server, all the clients pop up a "Not Registered" to the LCD screens of where you put your player reward cards. I inform him that he must have set something wrong otherwise that wouldn't happen (This error means 1 of 4 things set in the options does not match what the main casino's Slot Accounting System's database for that slot machine). He kept assuring me he was reading the instructions and setting them line for line. I end up looking at these instructions and replied "Chris, you're on the wrong page." He threw his arms up telling me to do his job and stormed off to the soda fountain. I despised this guy, and the other 3 dimwits they would send if he couldn't come were just as bad. I feel no remorse for somebody in a technical field who cannot even follow simple directions.
To be fair: I really didn't like most of the technicians I worked with, including Vendor techs. For awhile, we had a bally technician that was quite knowledgeable. I wouldn't call him smart, but he could give me knowledge which would usually end up helping me out. All of the IGT guys except one guy that I got to talk to one time were no better than the ShuffleMaster tech I mentioned. The aristocrat tech actually knew the procedures he was to know, and I suppose he wasn't too bad at troubleshooting, but when it came time to feed knowledge he was horrible at it (so I feel that he was only "good" at his job due to time spent in it, not actual comprehensive ability). The one Konami tech I got to talk to seemed to know what he was talking about, but that was also a one time thing. I just got annoyed pretty quick at the amount of vendor techs I interfaced with that just had no clue what they were doing, but that's going to be prevalent in any industry, not just the casino.
How does the computer equalize the odds? The cold hard truth: it doesn't, and that's why I said to look for a machine that's been paying out over 100% for over a month with thousands of games played for the duration(s) you are checking (that means for whatever reason that game has some sort of error, most cases it would be a set-able jackpot amount (progressive) since games won't just error like that).
The best way to explain how this happens: Think of flipping a coin again. I don't know the exact probability here, but there's a good chance that if we flipped the coin 1,000,000 times that we could see it land on heads 10 times in a row. Now, normally if I were to say "I'll flip this coin 10 times, and it will land on heads everytime" most people would say "No, but the probability is 50/50, so that's not right!" The thing to understand here is: The smaller the sample size, the harder it is to produce consistent results. I don't argue that it might take some time to flip a quarter 10 times, log the results, flip 10 more, log results, etc and have one of those "sessions" be all 10 heads (whereas a sample size of 1,000 flips it might show 10 consecutive heads fairly quick). Anyhow: If you get 100% heads the first 10 flips, then an exact alternating heads/tails the next 999,990 times, the truth is that you'd be awfully close to 50/50 (49.995%/50.005% to be more precise). That is "how slot machines equalize their odds." They don't ever really pay out more the next spin to compensate for losing money from a previous spin. The best way to truly understand slot machines is to understand probabilities.
I'll re-explain my explanation in the OP a bit: We have a 6 sided die. If you land on one, three, or 5 I'll give you $1. if you land on 4 or 5 I'll give you $0, if you land on 6 I'll give you $3.50. This is a total of $5.50. If you were to pay a dollar to roll the die, out of the total combinations (6) you have a possiblity to win (at most) $5.50. If you take (5.5/6) x 100 you will see this is a total of 91.6 repeating percent. We could roll the die 6 times and you might have $0, or you might get $21 ($3.5x6). If we played this game 1 million times though, the probability won't be 91.6666666667 percent but it will be really close.
The slot machines have to past a test of 10,000,000 spins and be within an acceptable threshold of the PAR. I believe the threshold for Indiana is 0.05%; I know this is the case for telling the State's slot machine inventory system (that's not an accurate phrase but the best I could come up with), but not sure if that's the threshold for doing the testing.