The post below is a cumulative set of conclusions based on my many hundreds of hours of playtime. It will be a rethinking of the facts that I discovered for myself at the beginning of my acquaintance with this game, those facts thanks to which I initially really enjoyed the game. There will also be a lot of comparising between FF14 and other MMOs such as: WoW, GW2, TeSO etc.
Before I start I do want to clarify that I do not want to anger or insult the players of this game. If you love this game and you enjoy playing it -- its completely fine and I respect that. Its a game for you. I rely merely on my vast experience in playing MMOs and on adequate analytical skills with which many have big problems. With thats settled, lets start.
​
Why I thought you should play FF14:
​
1. I thought that FF14 does not have any cash shops that will affect your efficiency in battle or speed of your leveling.
​
Will be the least filled point because yes, FF14 does not have donate/cash shops system. Only things you can get from Mogstation is glamour gear sets, mounts, minions i.e. visuals AND jump potions about which we will talk later. Problem lies in addons. They are not worth their money. $30 for Battle for Azeroth and $20 for TeSO versus $35 for Shadowbringers -- BfA and TeSO worths your money more -- you will know why later.
​
2. I thought that FF14 has HUGE amount of content.
​
Yes, there really is a lot of content -- there are some buts. It is as monotonous as possible with little difference between pieces of content.
All dungeons in FF14 follows the same pattern -- they all share that "corridor-shooter" style, a narrow path in which theres absolutely no tactics whatsoever. At max you will need to dodge some AoE from another clone boss. Just a dumb zerg rush with zero tactics and zero interactivity. Against the backdrop of Mythic Dungeons in WoW where you need to throw bombs at boss, clean the arena of mold, shoot from harpoon, use a battleship/tank to battle boss in, control packs of mobs and wisely attack them, dungeons in FF14 are not just unserious -- they are childish, ridiculous. Yeah, you have some dungeons where you need to shoot at a turtle using cannons, Steps of Faith where you need to shoot those cannons at a big dragon but thats merely a single exceptions that does not change overall picture. Whence WoW dungeons are doing their best to surprise the player with unique mechanics and be interesting. Not in vain that Mythic Plus mode became its own cybersport discipline.
Trials. This is essentialy just a boss fight without that excess husk of running to boss. Kind of a "raid without trash". Good idea but the implementation is meh. I will only review Extreme version of a Trials, which gives at least a mere bit of a challenge... Although, no. They dont.
All mechanics in FF14 bosses are based on positionals. Just positionals, without a single interesting mechanic. To put it roughly, attacks of all bosses can be divided into several categories:
a) get out from yellow AoE area,
b) stack in red mark, split if green mark,
c) catch projectile that moves towards boss/your healeother party member to share damage/not allow boss to charge damage
d) kill adds-dummies,
e) run around whole area like in idiot when boss does his ult.
Thats all. Literally. All the diffuculty of FF14 trial bosses lies not in adjusting the raid to the conditions of the battle, solve the problem of randoms, go around the mechanics and understand what killed me and how to avoid it. No. Everything you need to do is memorize the position during the battle. This is the simplest thing to do if you are not an idiot who cannot memorize the simplest order of positionals or write them down on a piece of paper. You cannot possibly wipe on these activities unless you are absolutely not familiar with local "positionals mechanics" or if your party is filled with casuals who cannot do the same. Which will happen frequently.
Raids. The same as trials just with that "bit of trash". Absolutely no interest, all fights again is a dumb memorizing of positionals. After WoW raids this is just ridiculous. While in WoW theres a course on complete rejection of positionals, in FF14 you ONLY have positionals. While in WoW all raids are super interactive: in Ulduar, for example you battle Leviathan using tanks and motorcycles or skirmish with an enemy faction ship or riding on the back of Deathwing trying to break his scales, underwater fights, airborne fights -- this is all bullshit! Lets throw in dummies with positionals and call it done! Absolutely no interest or enjoyment from fight or challenge. Yeah, I may be a Blizzard fanboy, blah blah blah, maybe. But this does not cancel out the fact that Raids in FF14 are crap for gamepad casuals.
Alliance Raids. Same as raids but for three raid groups. Dumb zerg rush again. All the difficulty -- arrange a party of randoms, thats all. Sorta on the same level of vanilla WoW but the problem is that vanilla WoW was in 2005 while now its 2019...
Extreme Ultima. Just a grindy thing which is not aimed at tactics and hardcore but at perseverance cuz theres again the same positionals but since the battle lasts a very long time a person just gets tired and gets astray. No interest again, just grind. Human factor game.
And overall, high-level content in FF14 is just bad. 90% of players are busy with doing Roulettes to collect badges (tomestones) which they will exchange for high-level gear at the end of the week. And it goes on and on and on. Every single day. You go online, do your weekly cap of tomestones, go offline. And a month or so later when you will get all equipped for raids, you will go and beat raid dummies with pathetic positionals mechanics. And it lasts throughtout all addons. PvE system did not change since 1.0. They just throw packs of content at us using the same template: "Here you have a pack of dungeons, heres a raid with positionals, before that dont forget to complete a chunk of plot to unlock it."Makes me wondering, why devs of WoW in every addon trying to surprise players? Making super interesting raids with interactivity and diffucult mechanics. Every addon has some uniqie feature: garrisons, legendary Pandaria cape, Legion artifacts, warfronts and expeditions in BfA. And this brings up a question for Blizzard: why? Why bothering with that if you can just increase level cap, give a chunk of raid content with positionals, do not change class mechanics at all which you completely redo with every addon so the players, God forbid, do not get bored of their class. Blizzard, thats excessive. Look, SE using the same template for years and still get great subscription numbers.
So overall, PvE content and Raids in general in FF14 are ridiculous. They designed for those gamepad casuals and console peasants so they can feel like they are actual hardcore raiders. But they are not. The hardest raid in FF14 is way more easier than WoW raids even on Normal difficulty. Heroic version will be TOO tough for a skilled FF14 player because he will actually need to learn to play instead of memorizing positionals.
3. I thougnt that FF14 has a great plot and storyline.
How much praise has been given to storyline in FF14. And yes, the storyline is decent. Here and there.
In short all storyline in FF14, I repeat myself, ALL storyline consists of them gather and deliver quests with a bunch of useless running around, stupid mute dialogs so that in the end, after all this legwork, you will get to see a cutscene which should at least evoke some emotions. The whole essence of the plot is about this: "oh, hi there Chosen One. Listen, theres a lot of shit on our plate right now, beastmen summoning their Primal, Garleans attacking so we have an important mission for you. Run around whole map like an **hole, kill useless mobs, talk with useless NPCs, gather some crates, talk again, rinse and repeat ten times etc etc etc and then MAYBE, just maybe, we will let you go and battle that Primal". It's just total despondency that stretches throughout the leveling because SE did something that you NEVER should do in an MMO -- they tied leveling to this storyline. You cant just get to high level and do plot in your free time like in TeSO or GW2 -- no, you MUST complete whole storyline in order unlock dungeons, raids, you cant even visit new locations without progress in main story. And that could be okay if at least storyline is interesting but from 20 quests there will be only one truly interesting quest. For the whole chapter you will see only one interesting cutscene... and the rest of the time you will do these gather and deliver type of shizzle. Which on the backdrop of WoW quests looks ridiculous and on the backdrop of TeSO quests just a full trash. SE had many solutions to this problem:
a) do not make a main storyline go for this long,
b) do not tie your leveling with your main storyline,
c) with the possibility of moving to the next addon if you have needed level (i. e. level 70 for Shadowbringers) make it possible without completeing all the previous quests.
Yes, they are working on reducing the number of quests up until level 50 but thats not gonna help because it will still be long and boring and you still have three addons for many and many hours. Like, you get to level 50 but you still have LOADS of quests to do to move to next addon although in theory it would make more sense to just take the next addond starting quest and go there and after return and complete that previous addon storyline you missed if you want. Forcing to complete a storyline in MMO is a complete bullshit which aims at money leeching.
So lets compare again. Friend invited you into WoW. You buy the game, you get to 110 instantly by getting the last expansion, you get to 120 during one week and now after a week you can run stuff with your friend, do dungeon keys, doing arena etc. And old content you can get done in your free time if you will want it. Everything is good..... OR
Friend invited you into FF14. Two months you spend on completing main storyline of ARR, HW, SB and ShB while your friend are doing high-level stuff, closing raids, gearing themselves up while you are doing gather and deliver quests for one small tearful cutscene. Or you pay from your wallet for main scenario skip and jump potion which will be around $40 more because you dont get to actual level with buying just the scenario skip, you need both jump potion and secenario skip. And you dont get to actual level with buying new expansion.
If this is not a deceit and disgust then I dont know what is.
4. I thought that FF14 has a great soundtrack
And yes, it does. Soundtrack in FF14 is the best thing in it. I keep replaying some themes from it in my playlist. I have only one complaint about sounds. In FF14 all NPCs are mute dummies while In WoW each NPC you refer to lets out a certain small phrase that characterizes him as a character and gives him more life. Lacking of these in FF14 is adding one more flaw into the sea.
5. I thougnt that FF14 has very cool class design
Currently, FF14 has 18 classes. Wow, thats a lot! -- you might say. No, it isnt. The thing is, all classes are in complete lack of customization. Theres no builds in this game. They just give you one rotation that you will spam for a couple of years until next expansion hits in which they might change something. Theres no talents and no versatility in skills, no specializations. You pick a Warrior, you get his one rotation -- spam it for years. And such nonsense divides the number of classes by zero. In TeSO theres tons of builds, in GW2 theres tons of builds, weapons, talents. In WoW each class has 3 specs (4 for druid). Plus tons of talents which can change your gameplay and rotation completely.
So yeah, theres no class variability in FF14. Just as theres no interesting class mechanic. All class mechanics for all classes in FF14 relies on combinations. Your task in battle is to push 10-12 skills. You use one skill, it procs second skill, second skill procs third skill and so you go 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 until finisher becomes available after using which it all goes back again. In WoW for a long time there is no rotation as such, theres a system of priorities and procs, and in FF14 -- 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6. Moreover, the number of skills is unadequate, class mechanic is elementary and would easily fit in five skills. But no, we need to stretch the battle and artificially create a challenge so here you have a ***load of skills in rotation which you need to push in order for a battle not to be boring. Battle system in FF14 is a jRPG parody with global cooldowns from which you can grow old and artificial stretching and loading the players with useless skills. Just a hackword made for gamepad casuals again.
6. I thought that FF14 has a good balance between classes
It doesnt. It goes from one extreme to another from patch to patch. With zero variability, SE still cannot balance classes decently. Just look at PLD who just cant die or at new SCH. Next.
7. I thought that FF14 doesnt have that "alt-character menace"
Would be better if it had. Seriously. Yes, ability to level all classes as one character sounds like a cool feature but its useless. Will explain why.
Lets suppose I created an Au'Ra, formidable WAR, scary as Sauron himself, everything is good. But after some time I want to play as caster, to heal as WHM for examle. I switch to WHM and I see that my Au'Ra does not fit this class visually, I do not want to look at this tough guy wield a staff, its not aesthetically pleasing and not comfortable. To put it roughly, you tie your classes to one race. So if you want your ninja to not be huge-ass Roe but an agile Miqo -- you will need to create alt. And to create an alt here is a pain in the ass because you will AGAIN need to complete all main story for months or pay $40-50 for skipping. Not even mentioning that you cant share items and gil between your characters. This is one con of such a system. The second con is that you always have a mess in your inventory. Huge disorder in which theres lots of gear from different classes and sometimes you don’t even remember which gear is from which class. Whats the trouble in making separate inventory folders for each class? You got a piece of gear for BLM? It goes into BLM folder. Tank gear? Tank folder. This is elementary solution but SE cannot realize it either so you need to use such crutches as gear sets, auto-equip. Pathetic
Overall, no alt-characters system isnt working properly and it would be better without it. In the same WoW I have different races for different classes, it's diverse and it's interesting, while here all of classes are the same pestered Au'Ra. And to change your race costs your money as well so... yeah.
8. I thought that FF14 has a unique craft system
Well, yeah. Its interesting. With buts again.
Separate crafting class is the most stupid idea for this kind of game. Shortly, you need to gather resources, mats. Resources are in the open world. In the other world there are monsters that want nothing more but to have a piece of your ass, literally. You cant do anything in your gathering class, you can only use your Stealth skill. So you need to switch from gatherer to battle class constantly -- why? Why you cant just gather your ore as your battle class, having a needed skill and a pickaxe?
Craft itself is cool, liked it. Its like an interesting minigame. But making it a separate class is a stupid idea. Whats the difference if you WAR will sit and craft himself an armor as a crafting class or this WAR himself but who just took a hammer?
​
So yeah, crafting system is interesting but controversial. I think the best crafting system is in TeSO.
​
9. I thought that FF14 has loads of additional activities
And it does, but aside from Triple Triad, Mahjong and those casino-style games in Saucer everything else was already been in WoW and other MMOs, implemented poorly and not new. Chocobo races is a total nonsense and a poor parody of Festival Races in WoW, these ostriches are just uncontrollable and riding them gets boring after couple of races. Vermillion is a casual thing that want to seem complicated. Pokemons in WoW are much harder in terms of combinations.
10. I thought that devs of FF14 treats community good
It differs from time to time. But awful overall. When its not needed, they do listen to community. When its needed, they do not. Lets take cutsenes in main scenario dungeons as an example. Theres two main scenario dungeons in which theres a lot of long cutscenes that previously could be just skipped. But casuals and new players started to whine on forums that "we miss bossfights blah blah", "they forcing us to skip cutscenes in order to do a fast run blah blah". So as a result they made them cutscenes unskippable and now completion of 1 dungeon can take you a freaking hour! And no, you cant just go in and then go afk because you will get kicked. And given that you need to go through it every day via roulette, just in a few weeks you will you will rip your ass hair, just to not look at it again. And ignoring them completely is extemely unprofitable since they give you a lot of tomestones and it will be hard to cap on them without main scenario roulette.
Lets also talk about ban system in this game. It is simply a masterpiece.
Shortly, FF14 is a haven of casual players that just do not want to learn to play. This game is completely absent of DPS meter. Not just absent, its forbidden! You dont have a right to install and use an external DPS meter, its forbidden as well, but since it does not fiddle with ingame files and just read logs, you sorta cant get banned for it, its in a "grey zone". But if you just lightly hint at someone that: "dude, your DPS is a bit low, we cant kill a boss like this" -- you get banned after couple of reports. You dont have a right to tell a player that he has some mistakes. Its forbidden in FF14. If you cant kill a boss because of a couple of players who doesnt know how to play their class -- you cant fix that. You will all fight with eachother because one player will keep blaming another that he is to blame for our wipe or you will just disband while that casual low DPS bard wont give a damn about his rotation or about your party in general. And it's not even about insulting the player and to tell that he sucks but to just politely ask him to put more effort into his damage -- you will get banned.
So, the developers policy towards the players is awful. Its a real indulgence toward casual players who does not want to learn how to play.
​
Thats it I guess. Theres a lot of small flaws that could be mentioned, like no auto-dismount in a battle, extremely inconvenient console interface, sharp unnatural animations, sluggish controls -- when its all together its starting to put real pressure on the brain. I played this game for a year and got disappointed in it too much. Under a very pleasing visuals which in the beginning causes the real eyegasm hiding patterned and monotonous dud, devs of which does not want to take risks and unleash the full potential of the game. Which mechanics are on par with free to play korean cookie-cutters.
​
Its hard for me to say this, but: Final Fantasy XIV is unworthy of attention.

Date: Sunday, 12/2/2018
Location: Seattle area
Total cost: $25k
I love a good brain dump after the end of a long-planned event, so I spent this evening going over all the little details before they start to fade. I'm mostly writing it all down to help myself remember and help friends and family plan in the future, but hopefully some of you will find this enormous wall of text useful as well :)
PICS: https://imgur.com/a/7cRjN19
Stationery: https://imgur.com/a/sgpiWZF
RSVP breakdown:

Invited	154
In-state	113
Out-of-state	41

Yes	117
In-state	101
Out-of-state	16
No-show with notice	4
No-show no notice	4

No	37
In-state	12
Out-of-state	25

Budget Breakdown:
Venue (incl. coordinator, cocktail hour, dinner, drinks): $14,445.77

• Room rental: $1,500
• Food: $4,959
• Drinks: $3,275
• Staff/gratuity/tax/other: $4,711.77

Photographer: $3,379 (8hrs of photography, high-res photos)
Flowers: $403.30
Cake: $554.53
Nails: $75? (Spa pedicure, Shellac french manicure with accent nail art)
Hair: $45? (We switched from full updo at the trial to half-up/half-down the day of, and she gave me a friend discount so I don't remember the final total, sorry!)
Makeup: $140 (Included trial run, false lashes, touch-up kit, friend discount)
My Outfit: $1600?

• Dress: $700
• Alterations: $400? (replaced zipper with corset back, hem, 12-point bustle)
• Shoes: $120
• Accessories: $ 40?
• Tiara: $150?
• Veil: $90
• Cape: $59.30
• Muff: $29.99 (probably could have made two muffs with that much fur, but wanted to leave room for error)

Bridesmaids x5: $157.59 each (They bought their own dresses and shoes, and added on hair and full face makeup if they wanted)

• Makeup: $50
• Muff: $9.67
• Capelet and pin: $15.92
• Gift box: $90? (decorative box, dice bag with their gamer handle embroidered, assorted dice, tin of tea, peppermint chapstick, old fashioned ornament, wine or cocoa mix (for those that don't drink), pajamas)

Stationery: $580.19 (basicinvite.com, used 20% off codes on all orders)

• Save the Dates x75: $106.59
• Invitation suite x80: $357.76 (invite, details card, rsvp card and pre-stamped envelope, belly band)
• Thank you cards x80: $115.84

Wedding rings: $1,200? (both white gold bands with extended warranty, free repairesizing/redipping for life)
Miscellaneous: $1,200?

• Guestbook ornaments: $130?
• Name cards: $90 (bought a template on Etsy, had them cut and printed at FedEx)
• Signs: $13.96 (Welcome table, cocoa bar, 2x bar menu. Printed on cardstock, put in cheap standing frame)
• Favors x150: $689.70 (Customized Adagio tea tin and 2 Dilettante chocolates in a silver box with a bow)
• Centerpieces x17: $170.94 (Greens, ornaments, and twinkle lights in a glass bowl)
• Sand ceremony supplies: $46.83
• DIY Photobooth: $90? (already owned the iPad. Bought a tripod, iPad attachment, some props, and a photobooth app)
• Bubbles for grand departure: $50.94

Not included:

• My engagement ring
• Beach house for bridesmaids the night before
• Hotel rooms for groomsmen and family the night before
• All honeymoon/travel costs
• Rehearsal dinner (covered by groom's parents)

Schedule
Day Before:
12-12:45pm - rehearsal at venue
2-4pm - rehearsal “dunch”
4pm onward

• Groomsmen hung out at the casino (where they were staying)
• My parents met and had dinner with the late-arriving out of town guests
• Me and the bridesmaids hung out at the house we rented next to the venue. Harry Potter marathon in matching pajamas ensued.

Day of:
8:30am - Hair and Make-up artists arrived at the house.

• Harry Potter marathon continued while everyone took turns getting hair and make-up done

10:00am - My mom arrived with donuts, joined the line for hair and make-up
11:00am - My dad arrived with sandwiches for lunch
12:30ish - Photographer arrives for getting ready photos as hair and make-up is wrapping up.
1:00pm -

• Everyone at the bridesmaid house is driven over to the main venue building (the Atrium) to get dresses on and prepare for first look.
• Groomsmen arrive at the venue, get ready in a separate building (the Lodge).

2:00pm - First look photos, photos with wedding party
2:45pm - Photos with family
3:30pm - Bridesmaids hide in dressing room in the Atrium while guests arrive
4:00pm - Ceremony in the Atrium
4:30pm -

• Move guests to the Lodge for cocktail hour
• Bride, Groom, Maid of Honor, Best Man, Officiant sign marriage license in a separate room
• More bride and groom photos

5:00pm - Bride and groom join cocktail hour
5:30pm - Move everyone back to the Atrium for dinner, bride and groom introduced
5:45pm - Dinner service begins
6:30pm - Toasts (best man, maid of honor, father of the bride)
7:00pm -

• Cake cutting
• Couple’s first dance
• Father daughter dance
• Mother son dance

8:30 - Grand departure
What went well:
Bridesmaid dresses: The girls used Azazie and were extremely happy with them! Each picked a different chiffon dress in the same color (dark green) and they turned out exactly how we hoped!
The vendors: 10/10 stars for every single one of my vendors. All of them went above and beyond my expectations and were absolutely fantastic to work with. All of them were on my venue’s preferred vendors list, except hair and makeup who are friends of mine from high school that started a HMU business together.
Going to the venue’s open house: One of the venues we were considering has an annual wedding open house. We made last-minute plans to go, and it was the best planning decision we made. We were so thrilled with the venue we put our deposit down on the spot. We got a chance to try all of their entrees and appetizers, and some drink samples. We got to meet lots of vendors who were already preferred by the venue, and we found our photographer, baker, and florist there that day!
First look: I had always wanted my husband to first see me in my dress as I was walking down the aisle. But having been at weddings where guests had to wait 2-3 hours for photos to be taken between the ceremony and reception, I opted to get photos out of the way beforehand with a first look. It was still every bit as wonderful as I had imagined, and it just made the timing work out so smoothly. And, I had the added bonus of a partial outfit change between the first look and the ceremony - he never actually saw my full dress (or my veil at all) until I walked down the aisle, thanks to:
The Cape!: I knew that I was signing up for a couple hours of (hopefully) outdoor photos, in a strapless dress, in December, in Seattle. Even in the best weather scenario, it was going to be cooooldddd. So I got a navy blue cape and (faux) fur muff to keep warm during the outdoor bits. I was very comfortably warm the whole time, it looks awesome in the photos, and it mostly kept my dress a surprise until the actual ceremony (where I took the cape off and put on my veil).
The Bridal Buddy: OMG. One of my bridesmaids got me this as a shower gift. I cannot sing its praises highly enough. I was able to put this delightful contraption over my form-fitting slip and under the actual dress. It took 2 bridesmaids to help lift my dress and find the arm holes, but once the dress was skooshed in and the neck hole cinched up I was free to go to the bathroom ALL BY MYSELF. As an extremely shy person this was a priceless freedom to me. It felt extremely secure when “in use”, I never worried about my dress falling into the toilet. It didn’t show under my dress at all, I completely forgot it was there the rest of the time. I swear they’re not paying me anything, I just really loved this product!!
Shellac manicure: Totally worth the cost. Got them done 3 days before the wedding, and they held up beautifully for over 2 weeks! Zero worries about scratching or breaking them!!
Early rehearsal dinner: I was a little disappointed that my MIL had scheduled the rehearsal dinner so early, but I’m SO glad she did. I was able to enjoy it without worrying about how late it was getting, and then I had plenty of time afterwards to spend with my bridesmaids at the house while still getting to sleep at a sane-ish hour. I figured we would get hungry later in the evening after eating so early, but we just ordered pizza at around 8pm and it was PERFECT.
Guestbook ornaments: I made another post about this earlier. I was SO HAPPY with how this turned out. I expected people would just sign their names, but most people got super creative with decorating them!!! I got a spray polyurethane to seal the wood and protect the writing (thank you so much streetbirds for the advice!), and the ornaments signed by the band made it onto the wedding tree and back home unscathed!
Hot Cocoa Bar: I was disproportionately excited about this. It was one of the first wedding ideas I had, and I was worried about the venue doing it justice (I wasn’t allowed to bring any outside food or drinks, besides a cake by an approved bakery) but it was PERFECT!! It wasn’t just powder packets and hot water, they had real melted chocolate in milk, and all sorts of fun toppings!! I got SO many comments on it!!!
No kids: There were a LOT of guests, mostly extended family, with young children. I had a very particular vision for the ambiance of the event, and the unpredictability of two dozen young kids was just not what I wanted. I communicated this as early as possible to everyone with children, and only 2 couples (both with ~2 month old newborns) were unable to make it due to this decision. My MIL shielded me from most of those conversations, but everyone was very understanding.
No DJ, no dancing: I’ve never been into dancing. I’m that person who tries to find another non-dancer to talk to while desperately trying to not get peer-pressured into awkwardly bobbing around on the dance floor to music that triggers awkward memories of Jr. High school. I had a first dance with my husband, a dance with my father, and he danced with his mother. Otherwise all of the music was a Spotify playlist of relaxing holiday music. I pay for Spotify premium so I was able to download the playlist onto my laptop (and a couple of old phones as backups), and that worked perfectly! I was worried that people would get bored without the dance floor, but people were perfectly happy to chat, play with the photo booth, play with the coco bar, explore the venue, and enjoy the liquid entertainment we provided ;)
What I’d do differently:
Read the ceremony script beforehand: I can’t believe this never actually occurred to me beforehand, but it legitimately didn’t! My husband’s grandfather has officiated all of the grandkids' weddings so far, and having been to most of those weddings I always thought the ceremony was beautiful and exactly what I would want. Which it was for the most part... the only real problem I had were a couple of very hetero-normative/cis-normative comments (“God made us male and female”, stuff like that). Fortunately my LGBTQ+ friends in attendance confirmed that they brushed it off as “religious grandpa doing his thing” and not something I'd asked for or approved beforehand, so it wasn’t really a problem. Just something I would have liked to tweak in advance if I had thought to ask!
Schedule our grand departure earlier: We had initially planned on having our departure at 9pm, but I was noticing a lot of people starting to trickle out around 8:15. A lot of people had work the next morning (it was a Sunday night), others had a ferry to catch (which was leaving at 8:45), and I was worried that there would only be like 10 people left to blow bubbles at us!! So we ended up leaving at around 8:30. There were plenty of people still there, this allowed more time for cleanup before our time at the venue ended, and we ended up making the 8:45 ferry with a bunch of our guests!
Bridesmaid robes: I never understood why it was so popular to get matching robes for getting ready together. Particularly the lightweight satiny robes I always see in pictures. I’d never wear it again, and I doubted any of my bridesmaids would, so I got us matching pajamas instead since we were staying together the night before. Until I realized...you wear a robe so you don’t have to pull a shirt over your head and mess up your hair and makeup!! DURR. I ended up having to ask everyone to make sure they brought a robe or button-down shirt for getting ready (and ironically one bridesmaid got to re-use her robe from another wedding). It worked out fine anyway, though the robe I brought was a heavier bath robe which did get uncomfortably toasty after a while.

Roy "Sarge" Jovanovic lounged in his pilot's chair scrolling through ship designs, trying to find the one that would make the most tempting target. A screen to his left listed all of the transponder codes in the ship's database and the fleets with which they were associated, a screen to his right held a dizzying array of maps, graphs, news searches, and other information about shipjackings in the local sector over the past year, and the front screen showed a live feed from a scout drone's camera, floating about a klick off the port bow to give him a good view of the ship's current appearance.
Roy was the executive officer of one of the many small, unaffiliated fleets that plied the spacelanes in Human territory. Once humanity finally got around to colonizing other solar systems, seemingly everyone on Earth wanted their own slice of the interstellar pie, but not everyone had the resources for it. Where many governments and international corporations commissioned their own fleets, and the largest governments and megacorps were even able to build multiple fleets for their various departments and business units, a lot of the smaller nations and domestic companies simply didn't have the funds for more than one or two ground-to-orbit transports, if that. So dozens of independent fleets started popping up to service those needs; these fleets often came with range limitations, exorbitant fees, slow jump drives, low cargo capacities, and other annoyances, but their clients couldn't exactly afford to be picky.
He eyed a particular scatter plot to his right for a moment, pondering, then tapped a name on his left. "Hello Alibaba," he called, "Set ship identity to FENL." The ship's virtual assistant acknowledged the request with a cheerful chime. Within moments the front screen showed that the ship's hull now bore the bright and blocky red-and-green-with-yellow-highlights pattern of the Frota Estrela Nacional de Lisbon, the Portuguese starfleet, and the ship's bland flattened-oblong shape now boasted the sweeping curves associated with products of the Lisbon shipyards, thanks to some incredibly illegal nanofabricators placed strategically throughout the hull; actual physical modifications would hold up much better to EMPs and invasive sensor scans than the standard holographic emitters that freelancers generally used.
Independent fleets were hired for all sorts of tasks of all degrees of legality, depending on their individual capabilities. Sometimes they were glorified delivery drones, sometimes pirates asset acquisition specialists, sometimes scouts for colony fleets, sometimes covert assets for larger organizations who wanted to keep their hands clean. Roy's fleet, Charlie's Chameleons, was a well-equipped and experienced mercenary fleet and one of the few trusted to play the deniable-asset role, as they were doing now. While humanity was nearly a decade into the process of officially integrating with the larger galactic society and it would probably be a decade more before their laws, technology, and such were fully integrated with the other species', unsavory types had already set up shop near the borders of Human territory years before and had started to make a nuisance of themselves, and now several Human colonies were quietly starting to take steps to deal with them.
The Chameleons' current target was one Rit!tkatp, an unpronounceably-named and incredibly cunning member of a major T!ka!irtk gang that had steamrolled the other criminal organizations in several systems a few years back and was now running basically every illegal enterprise in the sector from black marketeering to smuggling to things best left unmentioned. If that gang was the Italian Mafia in Space--and they did try to cultivate that impression, to the extent that a bunch of ugly pseudo-insectoids could pull off the "gentleman criminal" look, anyway--then Rit!tkatp was their Godfather, and he had a particular penchant for shipjacking that had led the colonies of Abydos Prime, Malcor III, and Newer Zealand to hire the Chameleons to do something about it, before the gang scared away all shipping from their respective solar systems and left them cut off from the wider sector.
The virtual assistant chimed again. "Ship designation?" it asked in a dispassionate, slightly Chinese-accented voice. Roy tapped his chin and stared at his right screen, not responding. "Ship designation?" the ship asked again after a brief pause, and Roy waved a hand in irritation. "Bah, that won't work. He goes after eighty-three percent of FENL shipping in this region, but we still don't know what makes the bastard pick one ship over another and we can't afford to guess wrong."
"That's a bit long for a name, boss, and it's not Portuguese," the ship remarked, this time in a much more human-like voice and one tinged heavily with sarcasm.
Roy glared briefly in the general direction of the front viewport, trusting that the ship's ex-military AI, Karma, would have no trouble seeing his expression through one of its many cameras scattered throughout the bridge. (Having an AI on a non-military vessel was just as illegal as the transponder database and the nanofabricators. Something of a running theme with the Chameleons, really.)
"What did I say about breaking character?" he asked mildly.
"Hey, I have to play dumb when clients are around, so I have to get my snark on when I can," Karma replied. "Plus, Charlie decided on this personality when you know I like playing Siri better, so you can just deal with disappointment. And before you ask, no, I wasn't able to find any good correlations in the FENL data either, so if you haven't had any brilliant ideas in the past ten seconds you might as well try another one."
"Fine," Roy grumbled. A bit more scrolling and pondering, then: "Hello Alibaba--" "Still right here, boss." "Hello Alibaba, set ship identity to IDF." As the cheery yellow-and-blue-circles pattern of the Ikea Delivery Fleet rapidly painted itself across the hull, Karma asked, "You're thinking he might go for quantity over quality, then, boss?"
Roy glared again, then sighed, giving in. "Maybe. We know he likes the bigger consumer goods shipments, for whatever reason, but none have come through here in a while so he might go for a smaller cargo."
"Makes sense. Designation?"
"Hmm. The IDF Some Assembly Required."
"Good one, boss."
"Nobody asked you."
(The first generation of Earth starships bore exactly the kinds of names one would expect. Every country had so many ships named for historical and pop culture references--the most popular in America being Serenity, Millennium Falcon, and Enterprise among the civilian fleets and Washington, Midway, and also Enterprise among the military fleets--that even prepending ship designations wasn't enough to tell them apart. That, plus several fleets being sued into bankruptcy by Disney's intellectual property division, made most everyone change naming conventions. After First Contact, when it was discovered that a short-irreverent-phrases scheme was both unique among known spacefaring species and also incredibly irritating to quite a few of them, even the most humorless bureaucrat was happy to go along with the trend; the first few years even saw informal contests for the most innuendo-laden ship names until the diplomatic corps begged for it to stop so they wouldn't have to keep explaining the jokes to other species' fleet registrars.)
Within seconds the ship's new name was added to the hull and the ship's transponder was switched to broadcast the new identity, but Roy still wasn't satisfied. "That won't work either. They never send high-tech stuff in their midrange transports, so there's no way he wouldn't pick up the signature of the bombs or the trackers, or both."
"I think maybe you're being too paranoid, boss. T!ka!irtk scanners aren't that advanced compared to Human ones. We can probably risk it."
"Easy for you to say; if he blows us out of the sky, you can just reload from backup. Let's see. Give me SAF colors, designation Not All That Glitters. No, cancel that, same problem...."
Their wannabe Space Don Corleone was one of the best in the business. His organization operated in eighty sectors falling under at least fifteen different species' legal jurisdictions, and not once had any court managed to get any allegations to stick. Rit!tkatp worked through shell companies of shell companies, always had bullet- and plasma-proof alibis, employed legions of lawyers to ensure he never saw the inside of a law enforcement vehicle (much less a jail cell), never put his name on anything if he could help it, and never left witnesses in any state to testify against him. At least three Earth-based governments and several colonial fleets had task forces waiting on hot standby at all times to jump in, arrest the gangster, and seize his assets the moment he gave them the slightest excuse...but he never gave them that excuse, and so their ships were continually restrained by leashes of red tape and impotent fury.
The Chameleons' employers were well aware that they weren't exactly squeaky clean themselves--very few of the transponder codes they used were obtained through legal freelance work, and "aftermarket modifications" didn't begin to cover what had been done to the jump cores and shield generators of the five ships in their small but heavily-armed fleet--but figured, hey, the legitimate government forces can't do squat without evidence and it takes a thief to catch a thief, so here they were.
The next hour or so passed slowly as Roy thought up and discarded dozens of possible fake identities that might tempt Rit!tkatp into a trap, accompanied by Karma's ever-so-helpful running commentary, from the APF Free Two-Jump Shipping ("You know we don't have enough ships to fake an Amazon convoy") to the RSN Duke Duke Duke Duke of Oil ("Nah, he hasn't jacked any Saudi ships since that new petroleum refinery started up on Epsilon Eridani 3") to the RKF Package Delivers You ("He has friends in the Russian Federation and you don't speak Russian, you'd give the game away if he has native speakers in any of his picket ships") to the NSWS Beware of Drop Bears ("Come on, boss, Newer Zealand would never allow a Newer South Wales ship in their territory after that last incident").
Finally, Roy slammed a fist on his armrest, cutting off Karma's latest comment. "This isn't going to work. We're not the first ones to try something like this, and no one's ever pulled the wool over that bastard's compound eyes before. We have to try something new, but how can you possibly catch a gangster who's thought of everything!?" He dropped his head into his hands and gave a muffled order through his fingers to recall the drone and reset everything to defaults.
"You sure, boss? For what they're paying us, you really want to just let Space Tony Soprano off the hook like that?" Karma asked as the drone headed back toward its hangar and the ship's outlines flattened out into blandness. "You tell Charlie you're out of ideas and she's not going to be happy, and after all the wining-and-dining she had to do for the bigwigs on that New Phobos gig, neither is her bank account."
For a long moment, Roy just sat there, thinking, as a smile slowly grew on his face. "Bank account, huh," he murmured to himself, then lifted his head and spoke with renewed enthusiasm. "Karma, change of plans. Load up the Skreaming Skulls paint jobs on all the ships, and then I'll need to talk to the captain."
A burst of static blasted from the speakers before Karma responded, "Sorry, boss, had to do a systems check on my hearing. I could've sworn you just said the Skreaming Skulls."
"You heard me."
"The ridiculously-over-the-top space pirate getup you use when clients just want tons of property damage and for us to scare the bejesus out of whoever the target is? The one that would make me bluescreen with embarrassment if it were possible for my personality template to have gone through a goth phase in its youth? The one with absolutely zero capability for stealth or discretion whatsoever? That Skreaming Skulls?"
"That's the one."
"Are you insane? What happened to being subtle?
"Probably. And fuck 'subtle'."
"Well...you're the boss. Just don't mind me if I take a fresh backup and sync it back to base before we go."
"You do that. Now, give me a minute to write up a proposal and then ring up the captain."
A little while later, Roy leaned back comfortably as the face of Captain Charlotte "Charlie" van den Heuvel filled the screen in front of him. The pair of welding goggles perched on her forehead indicated that he'd caught her in the middle of fixing something, probably the dodgy recirculator on Chameleon One that kept breaking because they hadn't had the time or money to give the life support systems the full overhaul they needed.
"Sarge! I was beginning to think I wasn't going to hear from you today."
"I keep telling you, I hate that nickname."
"Well, tough. Captain's orders. I take it you've figured out a decoy job that'll fool every last one of those bugs?"
"Nope, not a clue!" Roy said with a cheery grin, causing the captain to lose her own grin. "Complete change of plans, and I think you'll like the new plan. I think it's time we called in the big guns."
Charlie raised an eyebrow. "We don't have big guns, Sarge. The Chameleon Base retrofit got delayed, remember?"
"Not those big guns," Roy shook his head as he sent his proposal over to her. "Those big guns."
The captain read it over, as did the instances of Karma on both Roy's ship and hers, then whistled softly. "Gutsy, and stupid, but he'll never see it coming. Gold star, Roy. I'll tell Ace, Tiny, and Eagle to prep for departure. Briefing in twenty, jets up in forty."
A space station floated in the void, far off the established spacelanes and nowhere near anything resembling a planet, or even a large asteroid. Its only company was a fleet of ships and a handful of smaller defense stations, ranging in quality from the finest models that laundered money could buy to lightly used models that had been repurposed after what was left of their prior owners had been rinsed off of the bulkheads. The former sort had been built with the sorts of odd angles and strange proportions that their T!ka!irtk owners found aesthetically appealing and other species found headache-inducing, while the latter sort had been retrofitted to that design as best as possible, and in both cases they were all decorated in a manner that appeared to be boring sheets of uniform whiteness to those inferior species whose visual organs were limited to sensing what they laughably termed the "visible" spectrum of light.
This gathering of vessels was not hidden nor kept secret in any way, despite its remoteness. On the contrary, its master Rit!tkatp delighted in welcoming all comers to enjoy the creature comforts of his station, whether their tastes lay with gambling, racing, mind-altering substances, negotiable affections, or even more exotic pursuits. All beings, from the poorest sight-seer to the most inquisitive government investigator, were invited to partake in its pleasures--provided, of course, that they did not stick their olfactory organs where they didn't belong.
On this particular occasion, Rit!tkatp, patriarch of his extended family and clutch-master of the station, reclined regally in something that only a member of his species would recognize as a chair, as two of his employees filed his dorsal phalanges and several more polished his forearm plates. The T!ka!irtk species was semi-insectoid and covered with something that wasn't quite an exoskeleton, from which protruded many bony outgrowth that served both as defensive spines and as sensory apparatus. They had four bulbous eyes, two compound eyes for seeing motion and two simple eyes for distance vision; four arms and four legs, all multi-jointed and bone-plated; and a mouth both filled with sharp teeth and ringed by pedipalps.
The memoirs of the Human diplomat who had first made contact with the T!ka!irtk famously described her first impression of them being "the result of a drunken orgy between a praying mantis, a wolf spider, and the ugliest porcupine on Earth," and if anything she was being too kind.
Rit!tkatp enjoyed surveying his domain from the control center that was the heart and brain of the station. The clatter of dice rolling in the gambling hall, the rustling of smuggled goods passing through hangars not depicted on the station blueprints, the pathetic wails of those who required encouragement to repay their loans in a timely fashion...these sounds were music to his aural receptors, the rhythm by which he lived his life.
Alas, a flashing light on the proximity sensor board informed him that the intricate symphony of station operations was shortly to be interrupted by an unplanned intermission.
"Look alive, people," the captain's voice sounded in everyone's earpiece, "we have reversion in two minutes. Remember, don't take any unnecessary risks, don't worry about picking good targets, just keep firing at anything and everything in weapons range until you get the signal, then stall as long as you can." Acknowledgements came from Chameleon One through Chameleon Five, and each ship's crew performed a few last-minute equipment checks.
"Cortana, status summary for all ship systems," Roy called. "All systems green," came the cool synthesized voice of the virtual assistant, followed by Karma's voice adding, "Except the long-range transmitters, which are...blue, I guess, since someone decided that pirates like Cortana for whatever reason. Or whatever other color you'd give a system that I'm giving extra-special attention to, so that I can transmit myself out of the mess you meatbags are about to get yourselves into."
The bridge crew laughed, one calling out, "We love you too, Karma!" as the timer ticked down toward zero. The navigator started counting down with it: "Reversion in three...two...one...now!"
Right on cue, the HMS Dead To Rights, Seasons Don't Fear The..., No Kill Like Overkill, Gallows Humor, and Do Unto Others, Repeat As Necessary of the infamous Skreaming Skulls Skwadron popped into existence in a spasm of warped spacetime and hilariously bad graffiti. Each ship immediately unloaded every railgun, missile tube, plasma launcher, and drone fighter on board at the nearest target. They'd chosen their approach vector very carefully to ensure that no civilian ships were in the line of fire, just Rit!tkatp's goons. There were likely to be few civilians around in any case, as station security didn't like having too many ships arriving or departing at any given time.
The ensuing three minutes or so were the highlight of Roy's career thus far. Nothing like blowing up bad guys with no concern for ammo limits or mission objectives to relieve some stress.
But far too soon, the party was over.
"Bad news, boss," Karma called urgently, "we've got a frigate at our two o'clock. Make that three. Make that six. Um. Make that a six and two drone carriers." Roy glanced to the tactical display, disbelieving, but the AI was right: somehow, a mere gentleman crime boss had not one, not two, but eight capital ships at his disposal--and that's just what he had within jump distance on short notice. That would certainly explain how he'd managed some of the more impossible-sounding feats attributed to him, and why most local pirate crews would refuse to cross him for any reason and also refuse to say why. Must have bribed a shipyard or something...or, hell, maybe they were a present from some species that wasn't a big fan of humanity and would love to see someone meddle with their affairs.
Vastly increased danger aside, though, it didn't change the Chameleons' mission profile. The frigates had almost reached firing distance when Ace made his move: in the most hectic region of the battle, two T!ka!irtk gunboats went charging for the No Kill Like Overkill, both sides firing volley after volley of missiles and countermeasures at each other, and only two ships came out the other side of the expanding field of shrapnel and debris that resulted from the skirmish.
On sensors, the two surviving ships were the two T!ka!irtk gunboats, one heavily damaged and one mostly fine, and the expanding hull fragments of Chameleon Three were all that was left of the fake Skreaming Skulls ship; in reality, however, one of the gunboats had been destroyed and, in the sensor-scrambling confusion, Chameleon Three had swiftly scanned its profile and transponder and taken its place. The "damaged gunboat" turned tail and limped back to "its" hangar, immediately forgotten by its fellows.
The plan at that point had been to keep blowing things up while Ace worked to keep the attention on the other four ships, but the frigates changed things. It was all the Skulls could do to avoid the capital ships' guns, and despite some amazing piloting from Tiny and crack shooting from all the Chameleon gunners they shortly found themselves captured by tractor beams and dragged helplessly within range of the station's even larger guns. The crews' former high spirits were understandably shaken, but Roy reassured the crew of Chameleon Two that if they hadn't been reduced to atoms yet they'd probably come out of this alive so just sit tight and wait and everything would be fine, and he was sure the other officers on the other Chameleon ships were telling their crews basically the same thing.
The speakers crackled to life unbidden. "You know, I was having such a good day." Rit!tkatp's smooth baritone echoed throughout the bridge--or, rather, the voice of his translator; T!ka!irtk couldn't make the appropriate sounds for any human tongue, and vice versa for humans. (Unless they were fluent in one of those African clicking languages, from what Roy had heard, but even then apparently they sounded like a dog trying to speak French.) So both species used translation devices to communicate, and fortunately he'd hooked his up directly to the comm system so they only heard the translated voice. Roy had dealt with them in person before, and the way all those conversations would go was that they'd first hear one of the bugs say something in his own language that would sound like someone firing a machine gun at a xylophone, then the translator would speak in a Human tongue, then the Humans would speak, then their own translator would fire yowling cats back at the bugs, and they'd alternate like that for the duration; it was enough to give anyone migraines.
"I slept so well, my breakfast was wriggling, my customers were happy...and now, you jump into my system, the system of a law-abiding citizen, and you commit property damage the likes of which I have never seen. I am well within my rights to confiscate your ships in recompense and send your crew back to T!ka!ir to pay off the damages with hard labor. But I am a generous and honorable being. Tell me who hired you to do this, and I may be willing to let you go. I may not even inform the authorities that you did this, so that you may remain free to continue your detestable activities elsewhere."
Roy had to hand it to him, the man was smooth. Perfect "incensed businessman" tone with a bit of "agreeable neighbor" thrown in, and only a barely-noticeable dash of "unrepentant murderer" in the mix to show he wasn't to be trifled with. He acted just as if he were talking into yet another journalist's holorecorder; he had to, since for all he knew the Skreaming Skulls were live-streaming this conversation back to their mysterious employers in the hopes of catching him admitting to something illegal. That, too, had been tried a few times before.
Before he could think of something to say Charlie responded first in the most insultingly casual tone she could manage. "No one hired us. We decided that you were scum, and your ships didn't have nearly enough holes in them, and it's a weekend, and we were bored, so why not pop in and say hi?"
Rit!tkatp didn't believe that for a moment, of course--mercenaries, do something for free?--so he and the captain traded polite, velvet-coated barbs for a bit while the newer crewmembers waited on the edge of their seats for the moment when the alien gangster tired of it and ordered them vaporized. Roy had stopped paying attention, though. He only had eyes for one tiny corner of his screens, where he waited for a message from Chameleon Three.
As soon as it came through, he grinned fiercely and accepted the data transfer attached to the message, and several minutes later--it was a pretty huge transfer--he gave the crew a thumbs up, waited for them to quiet down, and hit the transmit button while the alien gangster was still speaking.
"Have you heard of an old Earth gangster named Al Capone?" he interrupted, to an uncertain pause from Rit!tkatp. "This is your second who barges into our conversation?" he asked. At Charlie's nod he adjusted something offscreen and now appeared to be looking directly at Roy. "No, I have not. This is relevant because...?"
"Well, I was thinking you might have, since he bears a striking similarity to a Mr. Zhanpeng Lee, a bureaucrat in the office of the Minister of Finance on Xin Beijing. Also a Ms. Beatriz Gonzales, a sales director with Lockheed-Grumman Industries. And oh, I believe also Mr. Dan O'Neill, Mr. Lubo Denisov, and Ms. Sweta Chandragiri. Need I go on?"
No response from Rit!tkatp except a twitching of his pedipalps. The mentioned names were either false identities he used to do business in Human space or bribed and/or blackmailed intermediaries between real companies and his shell companies, discovered in the complete copy of the gangster's financial records taken by Chameleon Three's instance of Karma, and the twitching indicated frantic thought on the gangster's part as to how that information could have been retrieved.
Rit!tkatp wasn't stupid enough to keep his personal records on the station-wide network for any two-bit hacker to find if he or she rooted an information kiosk or gambling machine; everything was in an armored server room directly below his office, hard-linked to his office terminal and shielded from any sort of wireless access, which only he and his most trusted associates could access and in which he could withstand an assault for several hours at least. And of course there was plenty of surveillance and security teams between his enemies and his data, such that anyone trying to dash to the vault would surely be cut down before they got even one floor up from the casinos. He'd taken every reasonable precaution against every reasonable form of attack.
What his security policies did not take into account, however, was an illegally-enhanced military-grade AI gaining root access to the repair bay computers several dozen floors below his office, taking over the station's maintenance robots (glorified ten-foot-tall alien Roombas, basically, and not particularly difficult to co-opt), marking all the corridors between the hangar and his office as closed for cleaning to clear out any civilians, quietly intercepting the camera feeds from the empty hallways, and then using Chameleon Three's boarding lasers to drill straight up through all those floors and into the server room itself, at which point Karma had physical dataport access and the game was up. "Crazy flying AI with frikkin' laser beams" isn't the sort of thing usually covered by standard security policies, so Rit!tkatp could be forgiven for not anticipating that.
"You think to threaten me? In your decidedly helpless position?" Rit!tkatp demanded, still maintaining his innocent businessman air with some effort. "You think that I will be afraid of images of extracted endoskeletons and oxygen-bearing fluids on your ships? No, your Human superstitions do not apply to the T!ka!irtk. We know that death is certain, and because of this we do not fear it."
"Funny you say that," Roy continued, "since we superstitious humans have a slightly different saying. 'Nothing can be said to be certain, except death and taxes.' And that's the striking similarity: None of those individuals pay their taxes."
Now the alien looked honestly confused. "See, I know that a businessman such as yourself would scrupulously pay your taxes, and so would any of your cover identities. Excuse me, your business associates. But you forgot one little thing. There's one backwards little country on good old Earth that's always behind the times and out of step with the rest of the civilized world called America, you might have heard of it. Those crazy Americans have all sorts of crazy policies; for god's sake, it's twenty-one-forty-fucking-seven and they still haven't switched everything to the metric system. And one of their quaint little rules involves taxes."
Charlie chimed in from Chameleon One: "You're damn right it does. See, I'm an American citizen thanks to my mother. Doesn't matter that I've never set foot on Earth in my life, or any American colonies, or hell, even an American-built space station, they take their 'citizens living abroad' thing very seriously, and every year I have to file my taxes with Uncle Sam. Every damn year. Eritrea used to require that too, but they gave up that nonsense almost a century ago. And I complain about it to my XO here every damn year, too...which worked out nicely this time, I guess."
Rit!tkatp had reached both left arms offscreen and appeared to be quietly yet frantically tapping away at a terminal, paying attention to Roy with his right eyes and his computer with his left; it was a somewhat disconcerting sight. Roy glanced over at his tactical display where he was getting a jump proximity notification, probably the same one that had the gangster all upset. Unless he was looking up Al Capone in whatever Human historical records he had access to, which was also possible. "And seeing as no fewer than one-third of your false identities have American citizenship and many of your shell corporations are registered in American colonies, well, that brings us back to Al Capone. When the government managed to show he hadn't been paying his taxes back in nineteen...whenever it was, well, that was a federal crime."
"Yes yes yes, I see your point," Rit!tkatp said hurriedly, chest plates clicking in alarm and dorsal phalanges folding outwards in frustration. "You have uncovered blackmail material on me, and now you will wish something in exchange for not alerting the Human governments, I am sure. So--"
"Nope, too late for that, sonny," Ace interrupted from Chameleon Three, his voice coming from Rit!tkatp's side of the connection since he was patched into the station's comms. "Already sent it all over. Would even have gift-wrapped it, if they had a tri-D printer in their office somewhere. Got a thank-you note back, too, ain't that sweet. Now, normally these things take something on the order of a hundred eighty business days, but I think in your case they'll make an exception. Right...about...."
Silence.
"...about...oh, come on, they said twenty minutes! Damn government bureaucracy, where's a dramatic entrance when you need one?"
More silence.
Then, flashes of light. Four unmarked ships in plain gray jumped into the system in escort formation, heading for the station. They definitely had the highly-functional-with-a-hint-of-muscle aesthetic of American ships, to Roy's eye; he thought the design was a bit boring compared to, say, the Brazilian or Italian fleets, but at least they'd stopped putting red, white, and blue stars and stripes on everything with an engine and a flat surface.
Rit!tkatp hesitated for long moments, all plates and phalanges going utterly still. "You're not thinking of resisting arrest, are you?" Roy asked mockingly. The alien glared at him with all four eyes, then spat, "If that is all the fleet your Bureau of Federal Investigators can muster, I don't see why not." The frigates dropped their tractor locks on the Chameleon ships to go engage the new Human vessels, leaving only the carriers and drone fighters (and of course the station itself) to keep them under guard.
Roy looked on with concern. Surely they didn't send just four ships? When even without the capital ships the region always swarmed with drones and the station itself could withstand a siege for days?
"That's not the FBI, buddy. They only have sub-orbital ships and no off-planet jurisdiction. Check the IFFs," Ace said smugly, and both Rit!tkatp and the Chameleons checked their tactical screens. "IRS? Io Rescue Service?" the alien said with bemused contempt. "Close, you're thinking IIRS, Io Interstellar Rescue Service. Nope, that there's the Internal Revenue Service."
On the far side of the fleet, the frigates were engaging the new arrivals. The front two ships turned out to be torpedo boats, the IRS In Triplicate and the IRS Red Tape, and they were unloading missile volleys on the frigates at a staggering pace while the support ships IRS Credit Freeze and IRS Wage Garnishment raised jamming fields and fired off the occasional EMP burst. The T!ka!irtk frigates, confident in their superior numbers, didn't even slow down as they approached the quartet of smaller ships, and so they were caught completely by surprise when three new ships jumped in right above the others, the destroyers Rapid Depreciation, Asset Liquidation, and Maximum Deductions.
"Your mere tax collectors have capital ships?" Rit!tkatp asked incredulously. Roy wasn't sure if the gangster had forgotten the Chameleons were still on the line or if he just didn't care at this point, but with glee he replied "Well, your mere civilian 'casino owners' have capital ships, so fair's fair."
The carriers were ordered to the station's defense next without even giving them time to collect all their fighters, as were the few smaller stations capable of independent movement. As soon as they were out of range of the main station's protection, though, they were ambushed by yet more ships jumping in. These ships, three frigates and five cruisers, were large enough that both Humans and T!ka!irtk could see that they weren't plain gray at all; they were actually white with thousands of tiny black boxes and tiny black text criss-crossing their hulls. Of course, thought Roy, forms and spreadsheets. Should've known.
The frigates Thorough Audit, Double Entry, and Mandatory Compliance made short work of the carriers without their drone screens to protect them, and the cruisers Let's Get Fiscal, Weighed in the Balance Sheets, Nine-Tenths of the Law, Accrual Intentions, and I've Got 1099 Problems made short work of the defense stations, both mobile and immobile.
Roy didn't know exactly what a crazed T!ka!irtk looked like right before it decided to do something incredibly reckless, but whatever expression was on Rit!tkatp's face probably qualified. The main station began firing every last weapon in the IRS fleet's direction to prevent them from approaching as its long-dormant engines slowly came to life and began propelling it far enough away from the other ships to make a jump; a few foolhardy civilian ships darted out of various hangars and began angling for jump vectors so as not to end up who-knows-where in the hands of an angry mob boss, but most decided that they'd rather not risk entering the crossfire of a major fleet engagement, thank you very much.
He may have lost his fleet, many of his henchbeings, and his untouchable status, but the alien might still escape to fight another day. Roy could hear Charlie swearing up a storm over the comms at the prospect, and he felt the same way, but they were powerless to do anything about it. The Chameleons were still close enough to the station that it had but to pivot a single gun away from bombarding the other fleet to turn them to ash, so all they could do was float there and watch it inch away to freedom.
Until, that is, one last ship jumped its way into the system right in the fleeing station's path, arriving with enough force that Roy swore he could feel the gravity waves rippling through Chameleon Two. It was a dreadnought, and the writing on its bow proudly proclaimed it to be the IRS 3949-A
On screen, Rit!tkatp stared at the dreadnought for a long moment, then drooped like a wilting leaf, all of his plates opening wide in a sign of submission. The station's guns fell silent and its engines spun down before they'd even had a chance to reach full power. Roy almost felt sorry for the bastard.
Almost.
As the dreadnought and cruisers sent out boarding shuttles and his crew started talking excitedly about sending the battle recordings to everyone they know, Roy put on a mock conciliatory tone. "Hey, buddy, don't worry." The soon-to-be-ex-gangster looked up at him with his right eyes. "Sure, you might have been involved in wire fraud, embezzlement, smuggling, theft, grand theft, bribery, robbery, burglary, murder, assassination, illegal gambling, illegal prostitution, drug running, and who knows what else on top of the major tax fraud, but at least you avoided one thing."
He leaned forward and lowered his voice, and Rit!tkatp leaned in as well.
"Count yourself lucky that you never, ever committed mail fraud, because US postal inspectors...well, those fuckers don't mess around."

Tulsa's event list.

Ongoing

• Art.Write.Now. Tour (Tulsa Community College - Tulsa) Thru Sat, Oct 28th Come see a traveling exhibition of inspirational and innovative works by teenage artists at the Art.Write.Now. Tour…

Wednesday, Oct 4th

• 1 Million Cups (36 Degrees North - Tulsa) Start Time: 9:00am
• 11th Hour (Grace Free Will Baptist Church - Broken Arrow) 1 day left
• The Art of NEOWTA & When Is a Quilt Not a Quilt? (Hardesty Arts Center (AHHA) - Tulsa) Thru Fri, Oct 6th Start Time: 10:00am
• 🍴 Chamber Luncheon (Skiatook) Start Time: 12:00pm
• Coding Dojo Open House (36 Degrees North - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:30pm
• the Dull Drums + No Thank You +Tight Rope (Soundpony Lounge - Tulsa) Start Time: 9:00pm
• Fall Patio Game League (Inner Circle Vodka Bar - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm
• Fitness on the Green: YOGA (Guthrie Green - Tulsa) Start Time: 5:30pm
• Food Truck Wednesday (Guthrie Green - Tulsa) Start Time: 11:30am
• Identity & Inspiration and Game On! - Oklahoma superstar larger than life (Philbrook Downtown - Tulsa) Thru Sun, Oct 8th Start Time: 11:00am
• National Vodka Day (Inner Circle Vodka Bar - Tulsa) Start Time: 4:00pm
• Pimp My Roll 2017: Cinnamon Roll Party (Antoinette Baking Co. - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00am
• RHYMES & REASONS: THE MUSIC OF JOHN DENVER (Woody Guthrie Center - Tulsa) Thru Sun, Oct 8th Start Time: 10:00am
• 😂 Sam Norton (Loony Bin - Tulsa) Thru Sat, Oct 7th
• Some Like It HOT 2017 Road closed 8 am - 11 pm (Hardesty Arts Center (AHHA) - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:30pm
• Tulsa State Fair (Expo Square: Exchange Center - Tulsa) Thru Sun, Oct 8th Bring the whole family out for Tulsa's largest annual event, the Tulsa State Fair, and enjoy fun-filled, family…

Thursday, Oct 5th

• 11th Hour (Grace Free Will Baptist Church - Broken Arrow) Last Day
• 🎓 2017 Zarrow Mental Health Symposium (Cox Business Center - Tulsa) Day 1 of 2 Start Time: 7:30am The Zarrow Mental Health Symposium is one of the premier mental health conferences in the United States. With more than 800 attendees from across the country, in 2017 the focus will be on exploring ways in which systematic injustice and discrimination have substantial impacts on mental health, including trauma, depression, addiction and…
• Abstract Painting Class (Hardesty Arts Center (AHHA) - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:30pm
• The Art of NEOWTA & When Is a Quilt Not a Quilt? (Hardesty Arts Center (AHHA) - Tulsa) 1 day left Start Time: 10:00am
• Caregiver to a Monster + Police Academy 2 (Soundpony Lounge - Tulsa) Start Time: 9:00pm
• Fitness on the Green: Bootcamp (Guthrie Green - Tulsa) Start Time: 5:30pm
• Identity & Inspiration and Game On! - Oklahoma superstar larger than life (Philbrook Downtown - Tulsa) Thru Sun, Oct 8th Start Time: 11:00am
• Jon Malone (The Hunt Club - Tulsa) Start Time: 10:00pm
• MOVIE IN THE PARK: HARRY POTTER & THE SORCERER'S STONE (Guthrie Green - Tulsa) Start Time: 8:30pm
• Pause for PBD (36 Degrees North - Tulsa) Start Time: 11:00am
• ♪ Portugal. the Man + Lido (Cain's Ballroom - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm ON SALE FRI 7/28 10:00 AM CDT Advance $28 Day of Show $30 Door $30 Mezzanine (21+) $43 There is a $2 fee that applies to each ticket purchased at the Cain's Box Office. No re-entry! No smoking! No refunds! Support acts are subject to change without notice!
• RHYMES & REASONS: THE MUSIC OF JOHN DENVER (Woody Guthrie Center - Tulsa) Thru Sun, Oct 8th Start Time: 10:00am
• 😂 Sam Norton (Loony Bin - Tulsa) Thru Sat, Oct 7th
• Tulsa State Fair (Expo Square: Exchange Center - Tulsa) Thru Sun, Oct 8th Bring the whole family out for Tulsa's largest annual event, the Tulsa State Fair, and enjoy fun-filled, family…

Friday, Oct 6th

• 🎓 2017 Zarrow Mental Health Symposium (Cox Business Center - Tulsa) Day 2 of 2 Start Time: 7:30am The Zarrow Mental Health Symposium is one of the premier mental health conferences in the United States. With more than 800 attendees from across the country, in 2017 the focus will be on exploring ways in which systematic injustice and discrimination have substantial impacts on mental health, including trauma, depression, addiction and…
• ♪ AN EVENING WITH GOV'T MULE (Brady Theater - Tulsa) Start Time: 8:00pm Get your tickets for a helping of Southern Rock with a healthy dose of jam when Gov't Mule takes over the…
• Art 365 - Opening Reception (Hardesty Arts Center (AHHA) - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:00pm
• The Art of NEOWTA & When Is a Quilt Not a Quilt? (Hardesty Arts Center (AHHA) - Tulsa) Last Day Start Time: 10:00am
• Tulsa Ballet on the Green (Guthrie Green - Tulsa) Start Time: 8:00pm
• Contemporary Native American Exhibition OPENING NIGHT (Hardesty Arts Center (AHHA) - Tulsa) Day 1 of 2 Start Time: 6:00pm
• Corb Lund (Mercury Lounge - Tulsa)
• Corporeal Cadences - Eloquent Craftsman: Tom Manhart and His Students OPENING NIGHT (Hardesty Arts Center (AHHA) - Tulsa) Day 1 of 2 Start Time: 6:00pm
• ♪ David Ramirez (The Vanguard - Tulsa) Sam Westhoff, Ryan McLaughlin
• Explosions in the Sky (Cain's Ballroom - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm Come see post-rock stalwarts Explosions in the Sky live onstage at historic Cain's Ballroom in Tulsa. This…
• ♪ FB Owasso v PCN (Owasso High School - Owasso)
• First Friday Art Crawl (Gypsy Coffee House & Cyber Cafe - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:00pm
• ♪ FRIDAYS IN THE LOFT CHAMBER SERIES: BEETHOVEN AND BRAHMS (Tribune Lofts - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:30pm TSO’s concertmaster Rossitza Jekova-Goza and pianist, Lyndon Meyer will perform Beethoven’s Violin Sonata No. 9, the“Kreutzer.” They will be joined by principal cellist, Kari Caldwell to perform Brahms’ Piano Trio in B major.
• FRIDAYS IN THE LOFT CHAMBER SERIES: BEETHOVEN AND BRAHMS (Tulsa Symphony Orchestra - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm
• 🎭 How I Became a Pirate (Tulsa Performing Art Center - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm Sail off on a swashbuckling musical excursion as young Jeremy Jacobs joins Captain Braid Beard’s band of comical pirates in search of the perfect spot to bury their treasure. Jeremy finds fun and adventure on the high seas but soon learns that home and family are treasures you can’t find on any map.
• Identity & Inspiration and Game On! - Oklahoma superstar larger than life (Philbrook Downtown - Tulsa) Thru Sun, Oct 8th Start Time: 11:00am
• OPENING NIGHT "Art Macabre - A Halloween Art Show" - Rickey Mizell (Chrysalis Salon & Spa - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:00pm
• OPENING - Streets: Mark Lewis (108|Contemporary - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:00pm
• Pie Night (Antoinette Baking Co. - Tulsa) Day 1 of 2 Start Time: 5:00pm
• RHYMES & REASONS: THE MUSIC OF JOHN DENVER (Woody Guthrie Center - Tulsa) Thru Sun, Oct 8th Start Time: 10:00am
• 😂 Sam Norton (Loony Bin - Tulsa) 1 day left
• Smunty Voje (The Hunt Club - Tulsa) Start Time: 10:00pm
• Soft Leather (Soundpony Lounge - Tulsa) Start Time: 10:00pm
• Tulsa State Fair (Expo Square: Exchange Center - Tulsa) Thru Sun, Oct 8th Bring the whole family out for Tulsa's largest annual event, the Tulsa State Fair, and enjoy fun-filled, family…
• Tools & Techniques - Basic Silversmithing Workshop with Bill Derrevere -Registration Deadline for Session 1 (Hardesty Arts Center (AHHA) - Tulsa) Start Time: 11:45pm

Saturday, Oct 7th

• ART 365 & The Art of NEOWTA & When Is a Quilt Not a Quilt? (Hardesty Arts Center (AHHA) - Tulsa) Day 1 of 2 Start Time: 12:00pm
• Cherry Street Farmers Market (Tulsa) Thru Sun, Oct 22nd Start Time: 7:00am
• Contemporary Native American Exhibition OPENING NIGHT (Hardesty Arts Center (AHHA) - Tulsa) Day 2 of 2 Start Time: 6:00pm
• Corporeal Cadences - Eloquent Craftsman: Tom Manhart and His Students OPENING NIGHT (Hardesty Arts Center (AHHA) - Tulsa) Day 2 of 2 Start Time: 6:00pm
• 🎡 GARBA on the GREEN (Guthrie Green - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm
• 🎭 Glo Odyssey (Fur Shop - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm Embark on an electronic odyssey of space and time with the Tulsa Glo Odyssey! Three stages featuring local electronic DJs, flow artists, LED, fire performers, and so much more! Stay tuned as we announce more information about this event!
• Identity & Inspiration and Game On! - Oklahoma superstar larger than life (Philbrook Downtown - Tulsa) 1 day left Start Time: 11:00am
• 🎡 Moonlight Minx Parade (The Shrine - Tulsa) Start Time: 9:00pm
• Nigerian Independence & Cultural Celebration (Greenwood Cultural Center - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm United Nigeria Association of Tulsa Presents A Night of Family Fun, Nigerian Food, Cultural Dances & Fashions Dance! Dance!! Dance!!!
  Special Guest Nigeria's King of Comedy Okey Bakassi
  
• Pie Night (Antoinette Baking Co. - Tulsa) Day 2 of 2 Start Time: 5:00pm
  
• ♪ Ragland (The Vanguard - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm
  
• RHYMES & REASONS: THE MUSIC OF JOHN DENVER (Woody Guthrie Center - Tulsa) 1 day left Start Time: 10:00am
  
• Tulsa ROUGHNECKS FC vs Seattle SOUNDERS FC 2 (ONEOK Field - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm
  
• 😂 Sam Norton (Loony Bin - Tulsa) Last Day
  
• Soul Night (Soundpony Lounge - Tulsa) Start Time: 9:00pm
  
• Tulsa State Fair (Expo Square: Exchange Center - Tulsa) 1 day left Bring the whole family out for Tulsa's largest annual event, the Tulsa State Fair, and enjoy fun-filled, family…
  
• STREETS: Mark Lewis (108|Contemporary - Tulsa) Day 1 of 2 Start Time: 12:00pm
  
• 🎓 Up With Trees- "Green Leaf Gala" (Cox Business Center - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:00pm Up With Trees will host its eighth annual Green Leaf Gala here at Cox Business Center. Celebrating over 40 years of Up With Trees, guests will have the opportunity to enjoy drinks, dinner, and dancing. All money raised at this year's Gala will help Up With Trees continue their mission to plant, preserve, and promote Tulsa's urban forest.
  
• 🏆 WWE Live! (BOK Center - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:30pm
  
• Zach Short CD Release (The Hunt Club - Tulsa) Start Time: 10:00pm
  

Sunday, Oct 8th

• Afistaface :: After Dark (Soundpony Lounge - Tulsa) Start Time: 10:00pm
• ART 365 & The Art of NEOWTA & When Is a Quilt Not a Quilt? (Hardesty Arts Center (AHHA) - Tulsa) Day 2 of 2 Start Time: 12:00pm
• ♪ Brooklyn & Bailey (The Vanguard - Tulsa) Start Time: 4:00pm
• Charity Dinner for Dominica Hurricane Relief (Sisserou's - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:00am
• Fitness on the Green: ZUMBA (Guthrie Green - Tulsa) Start Time: 10:30am
• Identity & Inspiration and Game On! - Oklahoma superstar larger than life (Philbrook Downtown - Tulsa) Last Day Start Time: 11:00am
• 🎓 Kicklahoma- The Tulsa Takeover (Cox Business Center - Tulsa) Start Time: 11:30am Buy, sell and trade sneakers, clothing and more!
• 🏆 Lambda Car Club International – Newest Chapter – Oklahoma & Kansas (LaFortune Park Gardens - Tulsa) Start Time: 11:00am October 8th, 2017 Meeting for:
  Lambda Car Club International – Newest Chapter – Oklahoma & Kansas 1st Meeting Oct 8th, 11am to 2pm Chapter title “Twister Alley Region” LGBTQ – (All Are Invited)
  To be held at: Lafortune Park 6100 Yale Ave., Tulsa, OK (SW Corner Shelter House)
  Tim, 918-760-1959 for more info.
  
• Lecrae (Cain's Ballroom - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:00pm
  
• ♪ MuteMath (Brady Theater - Tulsa) Start Time: 8:00pm Join MUTEMATH as they energize the historic Brady Theater in Tulsa with their eclectic blend of electronic, soul and…
  
• RHYMES & REASONS: THE MUSIC OF JOHN DENVER (Woody Guthrie Center - Tulsa) Last Day Start Time: 10:00am
  
• Rick Springfield / Richard Marx (Hard Rock Hotel & Casino Tulsa - Catoosa)
  
• Tulsa State Fair (Expo Square: Exchange Center - Tulsa) Last Day Bring the whole family out for Tulsa's largest annual event, the Tulsa State Fair, and enjoy fun-filled, family…
  
• STREETS: Mark Lewis (108|Contemporary - Tulsa) Day 2 of 2 Start Time: 12:00pm
  
• Sunday Concert Presented by Tulsa Jazz: Smooth Groove Sunday (Guthrie Green - Tulsa) Start Time: 2:30pm
  
• TulsaJazz.Com’s: 2017 James Mission Toy Drive (Guthrie Green - Tulsa) Start Time: 2:30pm
  

Monday, Oct 9th

• Fitness on the Green: Defend Together (Guthrie Green - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:30pm
• Fitness on the Green: YOGA (Guthrie Green - Tulsa) Start Time: 5:30pm

Tuesday, Oct 10th

• ART 365 & The Art of NEOWTA & When Is a Quilt Not a Quilt? (Hardesty Arts Center (AHHA) - Tulsa) Thru Sun, Oct 15th Start Time: 10:00am
• Brian Haas et al. (Ridge Grill - Tulsa)
• Corporeal Cadences - Eloquent Craftsman: Tom Manhart and His Students (Hardesty Arts Center (AHHA) - Tulsa) Thru Sat, Oct 14th Start Time: 1:00pm
• Fitness on the Green: Bootcamp (Guthrie Green - Tulsa) Start Time: 5:30pm
• ♪ The Head and the Heart + The Shelters (Cain's Ballroom - Tulsa) Start Time: 7:00pm ON SALE FRI 6/16 10:00 AM CDT This event is all ages THERE IS A STRICT LIMIT ON GA and MEZZ TICKETS FOR THIS EVENT! DELIVERY OF TICKETS WILL BE DELAYED UNTIL SEPT 8! With every online ticket purchased for THATH, you’ll receive either a standard physical ordigital copy of their album, Signs of Light. As a thank you, you will also receive an…
• How to Build a Website: More Traffic is a Good Thing (36 Degrees North - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:00pm
• Oklahoma Inventors Congress: Tulsa Chapter (36 Degrees North - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:00pm
• Rainbow Kitten Surprise et al. (The Vanguard - Tulsa)
• RHYMES & REASONS: THE MUSIC OF JOHN DENVER (Woody Guthrie Center - Tulsa) Thru Sun, Oct 15th Start Time: 10:00am
• SCORE Business Workshop: A Startup Guide (36 Degrees North - Tulsa) Start Time: 8:30am
• SCORE Business Workshop: A Startup Guide (Brady District - Tulsa) Start Time: 1:00pm
• ❓ Trivia with Jack (Soundpony Lounge - Tulsa) Start Time: 8:30pm
• Tuesday Night Open-Mic (Gypsy Coffee House & Cyber Cafe - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:30pm
• Tulsa UX (36 Degrees North - Tulsa) Start Time: 6:00pm

See Also

• OK Gamers
• Techlahoma
• Tulsa Meetup Groups
• Tulsa Library Events

Oklahoma City's event list.

Ongoing

• Fully Committed (Lyric at the Plaza) Thru Sun, Oct 2nd Start Time: 12:00pm Watch one man struggle to keep all the plates of his work and life spinning in this hilarious one-man comedy! Funny man Martin Burke plays Sam, an out of work actor managing the reservation line at New York’s hottest restaurant, and the 39 other characters in this tour de force one man show.
• 🎡 Edmond Historic Tours (N Blvd & W Danforth Rd - Edmond) Thru Sat, Dec 31st Learn about the history of Edmond with a spooky tour of the Gracelawn Cemetery where many founding fathers of the city…
• Power & Prestige: Headdresses of the American Plains (National Cowboy & Western Heritage Museum) Thru Sun, May 14th Learn more about war bonnets and feather headdresses, iconic images of the American West, at the National Cowboy &…
• 🎭 The Rocky Horror Picture Show (The Boom) Thru Mon, Oct 31st The Boom, a combination club and live entertainment venue in Oklahoma City, puts on a production of the Rocky Horror…
• 🎭 Romeo and Juliet (Myriad Gardens Water Stage) Thru Sat, Oct 1st Sit back and watch as the Water Stage transforms into the city of Verona when Oklahoma Shakespeare brings this timeless…
• Victorian Walk (Historic Guthrie - Guthrie) Thru Sat, Dec 31st Go back in time with a close-up view of Guthrie's historic architecture on the Victorian Homes Tour. The…

Wednesday, Sep 21st

• $ 2016 OK Building Summit & Expo (Cox Convention Center) OSHBA's premiere training event will be September 21st and 22nd at the Cox Convention Center in OKC. The OK Building Summit & Expo will address the needs and concerns of our members and the residential construction industry.
• ♪ Adventure Road Entertainment Stage feat. Elvis Extravaganza (Oklahoma State Fair Park) Day 2 of 2 Start Time: 7:30pm Regional Elvis Impersonator Contest complete with live show band, horns and singers. Contestants compete for cash and prizes and a spot in the National Finals, which will be held in Tampa, Florida, at the Florida State Fair, February 2016. The Oklahoma State Fair is excited to officially announce the 2016 talent line-up for our Adventure Road…
• An exhibition featuring the silicone artworks ofadjunct professor Lopeeta Tawde (University of Central Oklahoma - Edmond) Day 2 of 2 An exhibition featuring the silicone artworks of University of Central Oklahoma adjunct professor Lopeeta Tawde, through Sept. 22, Melton Gallery, 100 N University Drive, 974-5299. (Edmond)
• 🍴 Anthem Drown Night! (HiLo Club) Our local friends at Anthem Brewing Co. have some great beers! Every Wednesday night from 9pm to close enjoy $8 Drown Night! Their Power Pils will be flowing!
• Bi-Weekly Meetup (51st st. Speakeasy) Start Time: 5:00pm
• Bringing Books to Life (Myriad Botanical Gardens) Start Time: 10:00am
• Norman Central - After School Special (Norman Public Library - Norman) Start Time: 3:30pm After School Special combines books, a film, and an awesome craft for an afternoon of fun. This weekly program is for children in Kindergarten, First, and Second grades. For more information, contact the Children's department at 405-701-2630.
• Norman Central - Baby Story Time (Norman Public Library - Norman) Start Time: 10:00am Calling all babies, toddlers and the ones who love them! It's time for Baby Story Time! Each week, we'll explore the world through books, songs, fingerplays and rhymes designed for the smallest library fans! This story time is great for ages birth to 24 months. For more information, please call the Children's department at 405-701-2630.
• Norman Central -Introduction to Genealogy: Start Right! (Norman Public Library - Norman) Start Time: 2:00pm Start right in your genealogy research. Learn how accurately identifying your ancestors and establishing family connections can provide a solid foundation for building your family tree. Presented by Kathryn Ramsay, Pioneer Library System Local History and Genealogy Librarian
• The Colors of the Spirit, exhibit by Alcohol Ink Artist Kim Harrison (Contemporary Art Gallery)
• Del City Kiwanis Club (Rose State College - Midwest City)
• 🎨 Exhibtion: Lowell Ellsworth Smith: My Theology of Painting (Western Heritage Museum) 1 day left Start Time: 10:00am **Lowell Ellsworth Smith: My Theology of Painting **
  Ohio watercolorist and Prix de West winner, Lowell Ellsworth Smith (1924-2011), once referenced his *theology of painting *during an interview. Short but meaningful, the phrase summarized his relationship with art. It was more than a hobby or pastime. More than a career. It was the lens…
  
• 🏃 Family Yoga Night (Noble Public Library - Noble) Start Time: 6:30pm Cooperative event with Shannon Scott. Please join the Noble Public Library and Shannon Scott for Family Yoga Night, every Wednesday. For more information please contact Shannon Scott -- [email protected] (405) 517-9605
  
• Ferry Fun Cruises (Oklahoma River Cruises) Day 1 of 2 Start Time: 11:30am With four river landings, it's easy travel the Oklahoma River. Learn more about each of the landings and where they're located.
  The ferry transit schedule varies throughout the season.
  *** Purchase your tickets onboard**
  **Trip times in black are 1 hr 40 min round trip*
  *** Theme Cruises are on all evening service departures the last…
  
• 🎨 A Hiding Place (Artspace At Untitled) 1 day left Start Time: 10:00am Poetry Reading Begins at 6:30pm
  This exhibit is a dialog beginning with a poet’s voice and then calling forth an artist’s remix, and response. You are invited to this collaborative exhibition in hopes you, too, will discover something hidden, and now made communal in the open light. A Hiding Place can be a rest stop or a generator shop, a…
  
• Hospice Volunteer Opportunities (New Century Hospice, Inc.) 1 day left Start Time: 9:00am The services you will give as a Hospice volunteer will profoundly improve the quality of our patient's lives. Friendly visits enable families to keep their loved ones at home, around the people they love, and the things they love. Assisting with errands helps a tired family cope with their many challenges and allows them time with their loved…
  
• Jonathan Byrd (The Blue Door)
  
• Margot Holaday and Dodge Hill (The Studio Gallery) Margot Holaday and Dodge Hill
  The Studio Gallery, 2646 W, Britton Rd., is pleased to have Margot Holaday and Dodge Hill as featured artists for the month of August.
  Holaday is an experienced artist who recieved her Bachelor of Fine Arts from the University Of Oklahoma. She has participated in local art shows, in Texas
  and has had…
  
• National Cavalry Competition (Historic Fort Reno - El Reno) Thru Sun, Sep 25th The National Cavalry Competition at Historic Fort Reno is a wonderful opportunity for re-enactors, active and reserve…
  
• Oil Paintingws by Russell Hughes (50 Penn Art Gallery) Day 2 of 2 Carolyn, please run the following under the Exhibits listing in the
  September 4th edition of the Oklahoman:
  *Oil Paintings by Russell Hughes, *through October 29th.
  50 Penn Art Gallery, 1900 NW Expressway. There will be an
  opening reception at 6 p.m. Friday (Sept. 9th) 848-5567
  
• Oklahoma Kids Count Conference (University of Central Oklahoma - Edmond) Day 2 of 2 Start Time: 8:00am A two-day event to inform and educate advocates across the state about key issues and policies impacting children and families. For more information, visit oica.org
  
• Oklahoma State Fair (Oklahoma State Fairgrounds Jim Norick Arena) Thru Sun, Sep 25th
  
• 🍴 Oklahoma State Fair (Oklahoma State Fair Park) Thru Sun, Sep 25th Make your way to the Oklahoma State Fair and celebrate the end of summer with endless carnival rides, delicious fair…
  
• ♪ THE REAL COST (89th Street Collective) Start Time: 7:00pm THE REAL COST IS THE BEST GODDAMN BAND https://therealcost.bandcamp.com/album/the-real-cost LIFE AS FRIGGN ONE lifeasone.bandcamp.com No X Thanks SHOULD HAVE NEW MUSIC BY THIS Noxthanks.bandcamp.com Maybe ur band?
  
• 🏃 Tai Chi Moving For Better Balance (Purcell Public Library - Purcell) Start Time: 1:00pm The movements of Tai Chi help all ages reduce stress, increase balance and flexibility. Participants learn relaxation to improve their overall mind, body and spirit through a series of slow continuous movements. This program is designed for people at all levels of mobility and can be performed standing or sitting. Please wear comfortable…
  
• 🎓 Teen STEAM (Purcell Public Library - Purcell) Start Time: 3:00pm Teens 6th thru 12th grade will explore various Technology and Lego Robotics Kits along with Art.
  
• 🎓 "Understanding and Responding to Dementia-Related Behavior": Coping with Alzheimer’s - A Three-Part Lecture Series for Caregiver (Concordia Life Care Community) Start Time: 6:30pm Behavior is a powerful form of communication and is one of the primary ways for people with dementia to communicate their needs and feelings as the ability to use language is lost. However, some behaviors can present real challenges for caregivers to manage. "Understanding and Responding to Dementia" will help you learn how to decode behavioral…
  
• 🎨 Volunteer for Cloud City by Tomás Saraceno Day 2 of 2 Tomás Saraceno’s Cloud City is coming to Oklahoma City! Get to know the large-scale installation inside and out as a volunteer for this “utopian city in the sky” during its five-week run at Campbell Art Park, adjacent to our planned art campus at NW 11th and Broadway. To show our appreciation, volunteers who work three shifts will…
  
• 🎨 Western Movie Matinee: Apache (Western Heritage Museum) Start Time: 1:00pm Join us for these terrific “staff picks.” Popcorn provided. The Museum is admission free to all on Wide Open Wednesdays, courtesy of the Oklahoma Ford Dealers.
  September 21 – Apache Hardly the first non-native to play one on film, Burt Lancaster stars as a restless Apache warrior who resists life on the reservation in Robert Aldrich’s…
  
• 😂 Zoltan Kaszas (Loony Bin Comedy Club) Thru Sat, Sep 24th
  

Thursday, Sep 22nd

• 🎓 2016 University of Oklahoma WaTER Symposium (Molly Shi Boren Ballroom - Norman) Start Time: 6:30pm The WaTER Center will host the 2016 OU WaTER Symposium on Thursday, September 22, to help address the world water challenge. Leading experts from around the world will discuss sustainability and sanitation. The public is invited to attend and learn more about the latest research, experiences and challenges in bringing water and sanitation to…
• 🎓 Adventure Road Entertainment Stage feat. Granger Smith (Oklahoma State Fair Park) Start Time: 7:30pm Over the course of nine albums, at a time when the music industry is undergoing a top-to-bottom transformation, Granger Smith has been building a career that is truly groundbreaking. With sold-out national tours, a social media following of more than four million, and YouTube views exceeding 35 million, he has amassed an audience that is purely…
• ♪ The Avett Brothers (Chesapeake Energy Arena) Visit the Chesapeake Energy Arena in Oklahoma City for a special performance by The Avett Brothers. This one night event…
• Brown Bag Lunch Series (Western Heritage Museum) Start Time: 12:00pm Take part in casual conversations about the Museum’s current exhibition. Bring a lunch or purchase one in The Museum Grill. Reservations are not required. Free admission to the Theater and Museum Grill.
  September 22 Cultural Appropriation and Headdresses. Matt Reed, 2nd Chief of the Chaui Band of the Pawnee Nation of Oklahoma and Curator of…
  
• ♪ Cavalera - Return to Roots - OKC (Diamond Ballroom) Start Time: 6:30pm SEPT 22 at the Diamond Ballroom Max & Iggor Cavalera Return to Roots Performing the "Roots" Album in its entirety with Special Guest Combichrist, Allegaeon, A Dying Art Okc, Komatryp & Arise & Devour TICKETS ON SALE NOW: http://bit.ly/CavaleraRootsOKC
  
• 🎓 Norman Central - Computer Skills for Job Seekers, Day 3 (Norman Public Library - Norman) Start Time: 1:00pm It seems like every job these days wants you to have computer skills and to apply online. But don't fret! The Norman Library is here to help you get up-to-speed - and ready-to-work. In this third day, students will learn about resume writing. Students will employ Microsoft Word and learn how to navigate simple templates for resume creation, as…
  
• 🎓 Norman Central - STEAM Tweens (Norman Public Library - Norman) Start Time: 4:00pm STEAM Tweens connects kids with Science, Technology, Engineering, Art & Design, and Mathematics in the library! Each week, join us as we explore and create different things of the STEAM variety! This program is for ages 8-12 or children in third, fourth, fifth, or sixth grades. For more information, please call the Children's desk at 405-701-2630.
  
• 🎨 Cloud City by Tomás Saraceno Start Time: 5:00pm Cloud City , Tomás Saraceno’s 28-foot-tall steel and acrylic sculpture, will refract and rearrange the Oklahoma City skyline beginning Sept. 8. The structure, previously installed atop New York’s Metropolitan Museum of Art and at the Green Box Arts Festival in Green Mountain Falls, Colo., can be explored from the inside and out. Visit NW…
  
• 🎓 English as a Second Language Class (Purcell Public Library - Purcell) Start Time: 11:00am English as a Second Language class. All materials are provided.
  
• 🎨 Exhibtion: Lowell Ellsworth Smith: My Theology of Painting (Western Heritage Museum) Last Day Start Time: 10:00am **Lowell Ellsworth Smith: My Theology of Painting **
  Ohio watercolorist and Prix de West winner, Lowell Ellsworth Smith (1924-2011), once referenced his *theology of painting *during an interview. Short but meaningful, the phrase summarized his relationship with art. It was more than a hobby or pastime. More than a career. It was the lens…
  
• Ferry Fun Cruises (Oklahoma River Cruises) Day 2 of 2 Start Time: 11:30am With four river landings, it's easy travel the Oklahoma River. Learn more about each of the landings and where they're located.
  The ferry transit schedule varies throughout the season.
  *** Purchase your tickets onboard**
  **Trip times in black are 1 hr 40 min round trip*
  *** Theme Cruises are on all evening service departures the last…
  
• Found Poetry Playshop (IAO Gallery) Start Time: 7:00pm Hey poets! Have you ever been to a workshop? HAve you ever toiled away for endless hours to write that perfect next word? Well, we won't be doing that here! Join IAO for a Found Poetry Playshop Thursday, September 22 at 7:00 pm!!! You'll create a poem from a short piece of prose using some rather loose rules! Then, if you're brave enough, you…
  
• Friends of thePreview Sale (Moore Public Library - Moore) Start Time: 6:30pm
  
• 🎨 A Hiding Place (Artspace At Untitled) Last Day Start Time: 10:00am Poetry Reading Begins at 6:30pm
  This exhibit is a dialog beginning with a poet’s voice and then calling forth an artist’s remix, and response. You are invited to this collaborative exhibition in hopes you, too, will discover something hidden, and now made communal in the open light. A Hiding Place can be a rest stop or a generator shop, a…
  
• Hospice Volunteer Opportunities (New Century Hospice, Inc.) Last Day Start Time: 9:00am The services you will give as a Hospice volunteer will profoundly improve the quality of our patient's lives. Friendly visits enable families to keep their loved ones at home, around the people they love, and the things they love. Assisting with errands helps a tired family cope with their many challenges and allows them time with their loved…
  
• Max & Igor Cavalera et al. (Diamond Ballroom) CAVALERA
  Thu - Sep 22
  

   Diamond Ballroom 

  8001 S. Eastern Ave.
  Oklahoma City, OK
  MAX & IGOR CAVALERA RETURN TO ROOTS
  PERFORMING 'ROOTS' IN ITS ENTIRETY
  with Special Guests:
  COMBICHRIST
  ALLEGAEON
  A DYING ART
  KOMATRYP
  ARISE & DEVOUR
  Tickets On Sale Now
  Buy For Less locations in OKC
  Brady Box Office or…
  
• National Cavalry Competition (Historic Fort Reno - El Reno) Thru Sun, Sep 25th The National Cavalry Competition at Historic Fort Reno is a wonderful opportunity for re-enactors, active and reserve…
  
• Oklahoma State Fair (Oklahoma State Fairgrounds Jim Norick Arena) Thru Sun, Sep 25th
  
• 🍴 Oklahoma State Fair (Oklahoma State Fair Park) Thru Sun, Sep 25th Make your way to the Oklahoma State Fair and celebrate the end of summer with endless carnival rides, delicious fair…
  
• Pollinator Habitat Workshop (Norman Public Library - Norman) Start Time: 6:00pm Several Oklahoma counties, including Cleveland and McClain will receive $26,400 each to create and improve monarch butterfly and other pollinator habitats in its communities. Learn how you can get involved at a Pollinator Workshop on Sept. 22 from 6-7:30 p.m. at the Norman Public Library, 225 North Webster Avenue, Norman.
  Workshop attendees…
  
• 🎓 Scaling Up Business Growth Workshop (Bank of Oklahoma Plaza) Start Time: 8:00am Gazelles International's all day workshop designed for CEO's and executive teams of mid-market companies ($5M-$200M) is coming to Oklahoma City!
  The world-renowned Scaling Up Business Growth Workshop empowers you to accelerate profitable growth using a time-tested and results-driven methodology. Through this exclusive learning experience,…
  
• ⚾ SNU: Soccer (M) vs Ouachita (Bethany Library - Bethany) Start Time: 7:00pm Soccer (W) vs Ouachita\nStreaming Video: https://www.youtube.com/useSNUCrimsonStorm\n http://snuathletics.com/calendar.aspx?id=2857
  
• Sunset River Cruises (Oklahoma River Cruises) Start Time: 7:30pm Departs Exchange Landing | Last 3 Fridays (June – September) | $35/person
  Relax and recharge on the deck in the fresh Oklahoma breeze or inside the climate-controlled cabin while on an hour and a half sunset cruise enjoying music, appetizers and soda. Cruise times vary by season. A cash bar is available on board.
  Space is limited and…
  
• 🎓 Teen - Vinyl Cutting (Blanchard Library - Blanchard) Start Time: 3:30pm Learn to design with the Silhouette Vinyl Cutter. You can have fun making your name and other designs in sticky-backed vinyl. You are welcome to complete one of the projects that will be on hand or bring something of your own that you want to decorate with vinyl designs.
  
• 😂 Zoltan Kaszas (Loony Bin Comedy Club) Thru Sat, Sep 24th
  
• 🎓 Zumba in the Gardens presented by Oklahoma City Community Foundation (Myriad Botanical Gardens) Start Time: 5:45pm Terrace Room $5 members, $10 nonmembers No pre-registration required Thursdays through September 20 Presented by Oklahoma City Community Foundation
  Zumba is a Latin-inspired cardio-dance workout that uses music and choreographed steps to form a fitness party atmosphere. While many of the types of dance and music featured in the program are…
  

Friday, Sep 23rd

• 🎨 ARTonTAP (Oklahoma City Museum of Art) Once a year, Art on Tap brings community members together over beer, food and art. At this annual event, dress up…
• 🍴 Tuttle BBQ Cook-Off (Tuttle American Legion - Tuttle) Bring the family and a big appetite to Tuttle this September for the annual Tuttle BBQ Cook-Off. This event, held in the…
• Day Out with Thomas (Oklahoma Railway Museum) Thru Sun, Sep 25th Climb aboard for fun as Thomas the Tank Engine chugs into the Oklahoma Railway Museum in Oklahoma City. Thomas fans are…
• John Pizzarelli (University of Central Oklahoma - Edmond)
• ♪ Montgomery Gentry in Concert (Oklahoma State Fair Park) Head to the Oklahoma State Fairgrounds for a night of hard-driving and Kentucky fried country music when Montgomery…
• National Cavalry Competition (Historic Fort Reno - El Reno) Thru Sun, Sep 25th The National Cavalry Competition at Historic Fort Reno is a wonderful opportunity for re-enactors, active and reserve…
• Oklahoma State Fair (Oklahoma State Fairgrounds Jim Norick Arena) Thru Sun, Sep 25th
• 🍴 Oklahoma State Fair (Oklahoma State Fair Park) Thru Sun, Sep 25th Make your way to the Oklahoma State Fair and celebrate the end of summer with endless carnival rides, delicious fair…
• 🎡 Pops Arcadia Corn Maze (Arcadia) Thru Sat, Oct 29th Celebrate the fall season with a trip to the Pops Arcadia Corn Maze. Navigate your way through the maze, which has a…
• Skindred et al. (89th Street Collective)
• Titus Andronicus (Opolis - Norman)
• 😂 Zoltan Kaszas (Loony Bin Comedy Club) 1 day left

Saturday, Sep 24th

• ♪ Blues in the Deuce (Artspace At Untitled) Spend the evening relaxing as waves of Memphis blues hit your ears from the Artspace at Untitled stage. Grab a…
• Car Show (Firelake Casino - Shawnee) Admire the timeless designs of classic cars at the FireLake Casino Car Show in Shawnee. The FireLake Casino Car Show…
• ♪ Coheed And Cambria et al. (Diamond Ballroom) Coheed and Cambria will embark on a fall North America tour, stopping at Diamond Ballroom along the way. Crowd the…
• Day Out with Thomas (Oklahoma Railway Museum) 1 day left Climb aboard for fun as Thomas the Tank Engine chugs into the Oklahoma Railway Museum in Oklahoma City. Thomas fans are…
• ⚾ End of Season Mash Up (Firelake Arena - Shawnee) Catch the buzz as the Oklahoma City Roller Derby put on an electrifying dance of athleticism and grace as jammers and…
• 🎡 Coyle Fall Festival (City Ballpark - Coyle) Bring the family out to the Coyle Fall Festival for a fun-filled day. With old fashioned family games and plenty of…
• Fall Gourd Dance (First American United Methodist - Norman) Participate in the annual Fall Gourd Dance in Norman for a taste of American Indian culture. Besides hearing American…
• ♪ Festival (Plaza District) The Plaza District Festival is quickly growing into one of Oklahoma City's most endearing annual art events, drawing…
• 🍴 Grape Stomp Festival (Slaughterville) The Canadian River Wine Festival invites all ages out to Slaughterville for a fun day at the winery. Enter the Lucille…
• Heritage Hills Historic Home Tour (Overholser Mansion) Day 1 of 2 The Heritage Hills Historic Home Tour has been a staple Oklahoma City fall activity for 50 years and provides a unique…
• 🎡 Lebanese Heritage & Food Festival (Our Lady of Lebanon - Norman) Come celebrate the riches of Lebanese food, history and culture at the annual Lebanese Heritage & Food Festival.…
• National Cavalry Competition (Historic Fort Reno - El Reno) 1 day left The National Cavalry Competition at Historic Fort Reno is a wonderful opportunity for re-enactors, active and reserve…
• ⚾ OKC Energy FC vs Saint Louis FC (Taft Stadium) Start Time: 6:00pm
• Oklahoma State Fair (Oklahoma State Fairgrounds Jim Norick Arena) 1 day left
• 🍴 Oklahoma State Fair (Oklahoma State Fair Park) 1 day left Make your way to the Oklahoma State Fair and celebrate the end of summer with endless carnival rides, delicious fair…
• $ Oklahoma Wildlife Expo (Lazy E Arena - Guthrie) Day 1 of 2 In September, Guthrie's Lazy E Arena will be transformed into Oklahoma's largest indoor and outdoor recreation…
• 🎡 Pops Arcadia Corn Maze (Arcadia) Thru Sat, Oct 29th Celebrate the fall season with a trip to the Pops Arcadia Corn Maze. Navigate your way through the maze, which has a…
• 🏃 Redman Triathlon (2016 ITU Long Distance Triathlon World Championships) (Stars & Stripes Park) OKLAHOMA is a word that was coined by the native American missionary Allen Wright. He combined two Choctaw words, "ukla" meaning man and "humá" meaning red to form the word that first appears in an 1866 Choctaw treaty. Oklahoma means REDMAN & REDMAN means a flat, very fast course & ease of access, all combined with service & support that will…
• 🏃 Robert E. Brady Memorial 5K (Farmers Insurance HelpPoint parking lot) The out and back course will be closed to traffic and is considered to be flat and fast. Fast and accurate times will be provided by DG Productions. Proceeds will go to benefit the United Way.
• 🍴 Sam's Club National BBQ Tour (Midwest City) The Sam's Club National BBQ Tour in Midwest City is spicing up the world of competitive barbecue. The barbecue…
• Touch a Truck (Cleveland County Fairgrounds - Norman) Norman's Pioneer Library System invites families to bring their children to the Cleveland County Fairgrounds to see…
• University of Oklahoma Ghost Tour (University of Oklahoma - Norman) Discover the mysterious side of an Oklahoma landmark with a University of Oklahoma Ghost Tour. Visitors who join this…
• 🏃 Walk to End Alzheimer's (Chickasaw Bricktown Ballpark) 7:30 a.m. Registration 9 a.m. Ceremony & Walk
• Watermelon Slim (The Blue Door)
• 😂 Zoltan Kaszas (Loony Bin Comedy Club) Last Day

Sunday, Sep 25th

• Big Thief (Opolis - Norman)
• Buckcherry et al. (Kickapoo Casino - Harrah)
• Day Out with Thomas (Oklahoma Railway Museum) Last Day Climb aboard for fun as Thomas the Tank Engine chugs into the Oklahoma Railway Museum in Oklahoma City. Thomas fans are…
• Don't Quit Your Day Job: an OKC StorySLAM (Saints) Start Time: 7:00pm
• ♪ Groovefest (Andrews Park - Norman) Founded in 1986 by the OU Chapter for Amnesty International, Groovefest in Norman is the longest-lasting human rights…
• 🏃 HDSA Hope Walk & 5K (Stars & Stripes Park) Huntington's Disease Society of America
• Heritage Hills Historic Home Tour (Overholser Mansion) Day 2 of 2 The Heritage Hills Historic Home Tour has been a staple Oklahoma City fall activity for 50 years and provides a unique…
• National Cavalry Competition (Historic Fort Reno - El Reno) Last Day The National Cavalry Competition at Historic Fort Reno is a wonderful opportunity for re-enactors, active and reserve…
• ⚾ Oklahoma Derby Day (Remington Park) Celebrate the Oklahoma Derby in style at Remington Park Racetrack & Casino in Oklahoma City. In addition to the 10…
• Oklahoma State Fair (Oklahoma State Fairgrounds Jim Norick Arena) Last Day
• 🍴 Oklahoma State Fair (Oklahoma State Fair Park) Last Day Make your way to the Oklahoma State Fair and celebrate the end of summer with endless carnival rides, delicious fair…
• $ Oklahoma Wildlife Expo (Lazy E Arena - Guthrie) Day 2 of 2 In September, Guthrie's Lazy E Arena will be transformed into Oklahoma's largest indoor and outdoor recreation…
• 🎡 Pops Arcadia Corn Maze (Arcadia) Thru Sat, Oct 29th Celebrate the fall season with a trip to the Pops Arcadia Corn Maze. Navigate your way through the maze, which has a…

Monday, Sep 26th

• Drown Night at Saints (Plaza District) Start Time: 8:00pm All you can drink Anthem beer for $8 starting at 8pm.
• #FreeCoffeeMondays (District House) Start Time: 7:00am 7:00am - 10:30am. A free small cup of coffee for anyone who comes in.
• Milk Moms (Thrive Mama Collective) Start Time: 6:00pm
• $ OKC Painting Palooza (Reed Conference Center - Midwest City) Thru Sat, Oct 1st Celebrate all forms of creative arts with OKC Painting Palooza. During this week-long event, learn art techniques from…
• Pint Night (Plaza District) Start Time: 5:00pm Come try a new brew and keep the glass while you're at it!
• 🎡 Pops Arcadia Corn Maze (Arcadia) Thru Sat, Oct 29th Celebrate the fall season with a trip to the Pops Arcadia Corn Maze. Navigate your way through the maze, which has a…
• Public Access: Open Mic Mondays (District House) Start Time: 8:00pm Got talents? Come rock the mic.
  Hosted by Matt Raney
  
• Shel (University of Central Oklahoma - Edmond)
  

Tuesday, Sep 27th

• Hellyeah (Diamond Ballroom)
• Islander et al. (Thunder Alley Grill & Sports Bar)
• $ OKC Painting Palooza (Reed Conference Center - Midwest City) Thru Sat, Oct 1st Celebrate all forms of creative arts with OKC Painting Palooza. During this week-long event, learn art techniques from…
• 🎡 Pops Arcadia Corn Maze (Arcadia) Thru Sat, Oct 29th Celebrate the fall season with a trip to the Pops Arcadia Corn Maze. Navigate your way through the maze, which has a…